=) [nt] -- Safe Haven

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Date Posted: 23:36:21 08/10/00 Thu
Author: Zeratul
Subject: =) [nt]
In reply to: Mr. Phule 's message, "[Non Canon NSSWOTA] Enter: mew. [Non-Canon NSSWOTA]" on 23:08:02 08/09/00 Wed

> Again, non-canon means that this is not considered
> part of the overall storyline. I merely want to
> introduce the newest character to the cast, mew.
>
> If you've been reading Sluggy, you already have a good
> idea of this, otherwise....well, mew. is a small
> kitten...that can talk, though his languange contains
> only one word, "mew". Strangly enough, however, all
> of our characters can understand him just fine. But,
> to give you an idea about the type of character it is,
> I've written up a little story to give you a basic
> idea....MWA HA HA HA
>
>
>
> [Scene: Safe Haven HQ. Not much is goin� on.
> Anthrax is running around, on fire, Phule is playing
> D2, and bidding on D2 characters on eBay. You know,
> the 77th Level Necromancer that sold for just under
> $400. He enjoys pumping up the prices on those sorts
> of things. Omnivich is sitting at a table sipping
> from a cup of coffee and flipping through a stack of
> paper. Drake, taking a break from his own D2
> exploits, walks over.]
>
> Drake: What's up with the papers?
>
> Omnivich: Some interesting statistics.
>
> Drake: On what?
>
> Omnivich: Here's an example. Did you realize that of
> the 21,814 city ordinances passed against Safe Haven,
> that 7,149 of them were against mew. specifically?
>
> Drake: That's almost a third. Impressive.
>
> Omnivich: From a certain perspective. There were the
> laws passed making mew. either be Loitering with
> Intent or Shambling with Intent, basically giving the
> police power to arrest when he is in public, either
> moving or standing still.
>
> Drake: That was an interesting week. Very reminiscent
> of the LA rioting when they tried to stop him from
> seeing The Matrix.
>
> Omnivich: Indeed. And then there were the laws passed
> to stop him using the sewers and storm drains as an
> alternate transport route to avoid the first laws.
>
> Drake: *shudders* I remember that smell...
>
> Omnivich: The laws were passed after he got lost and
> kicked his way through the floor of the mayors
> bathroom while the mayors wife was having a bath. He
> was also subsequently sued for the resulting mental
> anguish and neurosis inflicted upon the poor woman.
>
> Drake: So the story that we saw on Hard Copy about the
> Mayors Wife being incapable of setting foot in a
> bathroom without being heavily sedated, and that she
> preferred to be hosed down with the garden hose rather
> than have a bath ARE true!
>
> Omnivich: And now we know why. However, the Mayor
> found that he'd shot himself in the foot with the
> court case against mew.. A previous city ordinance
> had made it illegal for him to come within a one
> kilometer radius of the courts.
>
> Drake: That would be after he served jury duty,
> wouldn't it...
>
> Omnivich: And then of course there were the laws that
> made it illegal for the power, cable, satellite and TV
> networks to cut off the HQ despite the fact that we
> never pay them. This was considered cheaper than what
> happens after mew. goes to town to complain.
>
> Drake: He has a tendency to be rather indiscriminate?
>
> Omnivich: Not so much deliberately, he just tends to
> forget which building is which, so a randomly picked
> building in the central business district suffers.
>
> Drake: The irony was when he got turned around in the
> central city and thought that Blizzard was a Cable
> network.
>
> Omnivich: Actually one of our more successful raids,
> all things considered.
>
> Drake: It certainly made the papers.
>
> Omnivich: After a while, mew. simply ignored all the
> legislation.
>
> Drake: Or alternatively, he simply forgot...
>
> Omnivich: That's certainly an option. And the police
> refused to enforce the laws until they were either
> granted combat pay or a tank. Neither were forthcoming.
>
> Drake: Well, they GOT the tank, but then mew. stole it.
>
> Omnivich: Ah yes. Legislation 354 to 421...
>
> (Omnivich begins to thumb through more papers
> intently.)
>
> (Drake pauses for a while, sipping coffee and calmly
> looking into space. Slowly he begins to notice that
> the world is slightly quieter than it 'should' be.)
>
> Drake: Where IS mew.?
>
> (Emrys turns around from where he's shouting at his
> Spatula�s.)
>
> Emrys: He went out to find relatively concrete
> information on energy weapons technology. Something
> about finding a new ways to kill Anthrax. I guess he
> got bored with those flamethrowing meat hooks.
>
> Drake: This would certainly explain why Anthrax ran
> screaming down the street with his hair on fire this
> afternoon.
>
> Emrys: Yup, mew. missed.
>
> Drake: *thinks* WHERE did he go to get this
> information?
>
> Emrys: Not sure.
>
> Omnivich: I certainly hope that he hasn't heard about
> the new particle accelerator being on the edge of
> town...
>
> Drake: ...
>
> Emrys: ...
>
> Omnivich: I'm terrified beyond the capacity for
> rational thought.
>
> Drake: ...
>
> [The End]

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Replies:

Gonna be an interesting story to see how blizzard and sh deal with mew :) -- Drake, 13:16:13 08/13/00 Sun
- His name is NOT mew, his name is mew. With the period at the end. "mew" is incorrect, and will probably get you killed if you say it again. The proper way to say his name is "mew." and you'd best remember that. [nt] -- Mr. Phule, 16:17:54 08/13/00 Sun
  - Arg, why must you confuse me so! =D [nt] -- Zeratul, 16:28:44 08/13/00 Sun
    - What's to be confusing? His name includes the period after the word 'mew'. To not include it would be the same as spelling my name as Phul. It's just not right. But then, I'm not an insane psychotic cat, so I don't care. mew. might see things differe -- Mr. Phule, 19:10:45 08/13/00 Sun
      - But your name has a "E" at the end damn you, not a intimidating DOT, on the end of a insane psychotic cat, it makes no sense to have a period, Arg, now I am lost in my own thoughts.... [nt] -- Zeratul, 20:57:41 08/13/00 Sun
        And as I have stated numerous times, you wont get 90% of the mew. jokes unless you've read Sluggy. www.sluggy.com I assure you, after you've read all the comics there, you will understand. Drake, back me up on this. [nt] -- Mr. Phule, 17:20:21 08/14/00 Mon
        It is impossible to fully comprehend mew. (notice the period) without having first invested the time into researching his background. This can only be done at sluggy.com. No amount of story telling can ever make up for the actuall comic. READ IT DAMNIT IT'S FUNNY!! Why would Phule and I lie about somehting like this? You wont be dissapointed, and you'll know why even I am afraid not to put the period on the psychotic kitty's name. [nt] -- Drake, 00:43:59 08/16/00 Wed
        Period -- Jessica, 13:30:27 06/23/04 Wed
    - Re: Arg, why must you confuse me so! =D [nt] -- Brenda Rose, 12:28:25 11/21/04 Sun