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Date Posted: 18:11:12 01/14/00 Fri
Author: HellHarpoon-OSH
Subject: Teaser for "In the Hall of the OSH (Or: Disorder in the Order)" [PG-13]

(For those who are unfamiliar with OSH, Evul'Hawk is/was our second-in-command.)

[Cut to: HellHarpoon's office. Evul'Hawk bursts in.]

Evul'Hawk: Sir, the DOL army is camped right outside our gates!!

HellHarpoon: A campout, eh? Send someone down and ask if it would be okay for us to join them.

Evul'Hawk: Damnit sir, it's a war party!!

HellHarpoon: A war party? I've been to bachelor parties, birthday parties, Christmas parties, farewell parties, housewarming parties, and it took ten days to repair the damage after the guild millennium party, but I can't say I've heard of a war party. Actually I can, but I'd be lying. It sounds interesting, though. I wonder if you're supposed to attend wearing armor...

Evul'Hawk: (leaning into HellHarpoon's face and speaking slowly) The Dragons of Light are here to invade us and they will probably start their attack before the day's over.

HellHarpoon: Invade?! After they declared "waDELIRIUM, EUPHORIA, AND SWELLNESS" on us? Those naughty people. Okay, uh...this is when I do one of those decision things, right?

Evul'Hawk: That's customary, yes.

HellHarpoon: Okay, umm...deploy an attack penguin battalion to slice at their flanks, another to dice at their front lines, and one more to puree around their field headquarters. And set up the mortars just inside the guild walls to bombard their formations. But instead of shells, use big snowballs.

Evul'Hawk: Why, sir?

HellHarpoon: It's this terrific idea I got--

Evul'Hawk: One moment, sir.

(Evul'Hawk goes to a wall-mounted box reading "IF HELLHARPOON GETS AN IDEA, BREAK GLASS." Evul'Hawk breaks the glass and removes an airsick bag from the box.)

Evul'Hawk: Go ahead.

HellHarpoon: As I was saying...have you ever gotten snow in your shirt? This way, all the shrapnel will be snow, which will be magnetically attracted to the enemy's shirt collars, thus incapacitating them and making way for our attack penguin battalions. So, what do you think?

Evul'Hawk: (uses airsick bag) A terrific (uses airsick bag) idea, sir. (uses airsick bag twice)

And this is all you're getting for now. I'm not going to give you my best stuff right off. :)

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