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Date Posted: 12:53:58 01/15/00 Sat
Author: Mr. Phule
Subject: [NSSWOTA] And may I present....the cast of Safe Haven! [NSSWOTA]

Special Note: Um, the [NSSWOTA] stands for "Not So Serious War of the Authors" and I think it might be helpful for it to be placed like that for all was-posts. ;-P

(This special note has been brought to you by Microsoft. Microsoft, we don't own you yet, but we're working on it.)

But now...without further ado, I present to you, the current cast of Safe Haven!

MEMBERS OF THE CLAN
In an order chosen by Phule)


Mr. Phule: The leader of the clan. If any of you have a problem with this, though. After all, I'm the one writing this stuff, this is my reward. :-P

Mr. Phule is basically you're average fighter, and a competant leader, if not prone to "insane attacks." Aside from the fact that he's the leader, there's nothing extraordinary about him.


Drake: A random member who simply "doesn't get it"...ever. Fights with two .45 caliber handguns and a nine-inch hunting knife. Think Leslie Neilson in the Naked Gun movies. Proud owner of a stuffed bear named Boris, who Drake would like to see running the clan one day.

Emrys: A die-hard gamer, very wrong in the head, always wears a pair of goggles and a cape with a large "E" on the back.

Has a fascination for spatula's and uses them for everything from playing Starcraft to serving as the clan medic. Also uses them in battle, where many can do very interesting things, though none of them are labelled, and often get mixed up. In addition, they have a tendancy to go off accidentally. These spatula's are believed to have caused the "Banana Incident of 1994"

Omnivich: An ex-Blizzard employee. He used to be thier ruthlessly evil head of Security, but tripped down a flight of stairs, hit his head and turned into an all-around cuddly guy. Blizzard fired him when he ordered the Security guards to arm with water guns so they wouldn't actually have to hurt anybody.

CEO tried to have him killed, though Omnivich escaped and made his way to Safe Haven. He has been infused with the powers of both the Protoss Templar, and the Dark Archon. However, due to the fact that humans were never meant for Protoss powers and his pacifistic nature, he rarely casts spells, and when he does, often gets them confused during casting.

Anthrax: Cannon Fodder. Very ineffective fighter who insists on wearing clothing made out of anthrax. As one might expect, he dies alot as a result. However, he always returns in the next story without explaination (al la Kenny, from South Park).

Still, despite this, he usually always kills someone when he dies, though almost always by accident.

Allies of Safe Haven


HellHarpoon: Leader of OSH, an insane eskimo who fights with a harpoon. That pretty much says it all.

The Penquin Brigades: Large armies of penquins loyal only to HellHarpoon and OSH. Don't mess with these guys, they can be brutal.

The Bad Guys


CEO: CEO of Blizzard Entertainment. He is more evil and more powerful than there are words to describe. Don't mess with him. It would be bad. His asperations are to rule the world through delaying much anticipated computer games.

HP: Head Programmer at Blizzard, second only to the CEO in terms of evilness and strength.

GFraizer: Public Relations guy at Blizzard. (He's the guy who posts for Blizzard on the battle.net forums.) Strong and evil, like the others, though he doesn't have the head for running an evil corporation. Again, not a dude you wanna mess with.

Secretaries: The ladies who work at Blizzard. Very efficient fighters with razor-sharp nails and heels. Thier only weakness is that they will fight each other to death over a bottle of nail polish.

Security Guards: Blizzard Security forces. Their collective IQ is around 0, or so...probably lower.

Other people of importance


Dr. Seivan: One of the world's leading scientists in the field of robotics and electronics. After his work was banned for being too uncontrollable, officials suspect he wnet to work on a highly secret project with Blizzard Entertainment.


Other characters can, and will be added as the story progresses.

A few other things I want to make clear/suggest.

HellHarpoon...I want to know if our stories should be in the same canon or not. By that, do our writings work in the same setting/timeline? If so, I'll need to talk with you a little bit, make sure that all the character stuff is squared away.

I should have the first part of my story "Delusions of Granduer" out tonight, or early tomorrow afternoon. I will be releasing the story in bits and peices, as I have time to work on it. There is alot of humor, though I am striving more towards a plot-driven storyline.

If my stories seem lacking, I apologize, but I've got a hell of alot going on in my life right now, and humor just isn't a hot commodity with me at the moment, but I shall certinaly try my best.

Wait you, therefore....for the stories shall arrive!

-Mr. Phule
"For though the pen may lose its ink, it will never die, for there are always pages waiting to be written, and stories ready to be told."

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