| Subject: Special person--my theory |
Author:
Sakura no Miko
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Date Posted: 05:27:07 06/09/04 Wed
I’ve been thinking too much again. Yes, it’s another crazy theory from the head of Sakura no Miko!
The entire idea of a “special person” has been bugging me lately. I’ve come to realize something about it. Being/having a special person is….extraordinarily not good.
Warning: This is a LONG and potentially disturbing theory.
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First, let’s define a “special person.” When I and another of my X-loving friends tried to explain this concept to other people, it bombed. There are people who cannot, under any circumstances, understand what, exactly, the difference is between “special” and a normal, regular, loving relationship. I don’t think that being “special” really has anything to do with love in the sense that we know it. Yes, it starts out with loving the person—loving them too much, in fact—but once they become “special” to you, you’re far beyond “love.” By that point, you’re basically an obsessive, selfish, stubborn person.
Let’s look at the various “special person” relationships: Subaru/Seishirou, Nataku/Karen, Sorata/Arashi, and, though it’s not X, Juri/Shiori (from Revolutionary Girl Utena). [Juri/Shiori just helps to prove the point] The way I see it, each “special person” represents perfection, or an ideal, to the person who believes them to be “special.” Seishirou is essentially Subaru’s link to a perfect time in his past, a time where he knew ultimate happiness. Seishirou represents that happiness, and the (slim) chance of regaining it. Karen is Nataku’s perfect parent/mother figure, the sum of its/her memories brought to life. Arashi is Sorata’s ideal lover, and represents a life and death worth living. Shiori represented perfect innocence and an ideal secret love to Juri.
It would seem, for the most part, that considering someone “special” means you care for them more than anything else in the world, more than your own life and happiness, in fact. Subaru wants to die in order to make Seishirou happy (or as close to ‘happy’ as Seishirou can be). Nataku was willing to die in order to save Karen and make her happy. Sorata wants Arashi to be happy. But there’s an undercurrent to these desires… Each person derives their own happiness from the knowledge that their “special person” is happy. Their own sense of being is completely dependant on their “special person.” So there’s a bit of selfishness in there too, because they’re making themselves happy by making the other person happy. (did that make any sense?)
That sense of selfishness erupts when the “special person” is suddenly taken away. Subaru becomes bent on his own desires—revenge, death, and so forth—when he loses Seishirou. Nataku dies rather than lose Karen. Both Arashi and Sorata commit some very selfish acts to try and avoid losing each other—Arashi goes to the other side and Sorata reacts violently to Hinoto. Juri becomes reclusive, fawning over a picture of Shiori she keeps with her all the time, but rejecting the “real” and “changed” Shiori.
By this point, the “person” isn’t even a person. The ideal has taken over the personality. Subaru blinded himself to Seishirou’s true self, choosing only to see the happiness he represented. Also, Juri only sees Shiori as the perfect, innocent little girl she once loved, not the devious woman she’s become. To see the ideal destroyed—the ideal the person has devoted his/her life and love to—would destroy them, take away their every reason and desire for living. So the person blinds themselves to the inevitable change, rejecting their “special person” for who they are, and taking, instead, what they represent. It’s this “stuck in the past” attitude that eventually destroys the person’s psyche. The past will never come back, but the person just can’t forget the happiness or love or whatever bound them to that moment and that person. They try to use their “special person” to endlessly recreate that specific point in time, and it’s that quest that leaves them hopelessly dependant on their “special person”.
Where am I going with this? Well…simply put, having a “special person” is the most selfish act a person can perform. Essentially, the person becomes so hopelessly dependant on/possessive of/obsessive about their “special person”/ideal that they lose all contact with reality. It takes an extraordinarily f***ed up person to have a “special person”—a person who can’t have a normal relationship with anyone else. Those psychopaths and serial killers you see in horror films? They probably have a “special person” somewhere.
That’s why most people can’t understand the concept. They’re too pure-hearted to understand such a sick—yet painfully beautiful—emotion. Their lives are made up of constantly changing moments, whereas the person and/or “special person” is stuck in a single instant. They have “love”—just not so strong a love as those with a “special person.” Like I said, you really have to be f***ed up (and I don’t use such language lightly) to understand the obsession and desire that a person can have for their ideals…their past…their one and only “special person.”
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Oh, God, does that make any sense? Oh, well…it wouldn’t to most people. You can’t really understand unless you have a “special person.”
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