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Date Posted: 18:11:17 09/01/02 Sun
Author: Satan
Subject: Az inside please!
In reply to: darkness shall never fall 's message, "Az" on 15:31:35 09/01/02 Sun

Okay, for starters, DON'T break your posts up into lines, like poetry. It drives people crazy. Try changing the color scheme so it contrasts more against white, because your post is a little hard on the eyes. If you want to use marquees, only use one, because they're evry distracting. That's all based on apperance, for actually content, read my version, and look at the diffrences. things in red are spelling mistakes, which i've corrected for this post, things in blue are grammer mistakes and green is just general stuff.

� Death hued hellion ingresses into foreign estate, onyx daggers carrying lightweight bulk across terrain.
pools of vision washing over topography, lappettes alert upon ~~raised~~ cranium,waiting to retrieve any sounds of movement around her. Sharp flints brought she to a stop,
tresses falling over incandescent mirrors. Hock kisser rids nymph of bloodsuckers, angular cobrall arched proudly.
Clarion emitted from deep within chest ~~capacity~~ rings out to broncs, plush outstretched, hollows quivering, haunches ready for action should it need be taken �

I just went over it quickly, and those are things I would suggest changing. Stoppage isn't a word. I doubt cobrall is either. If you mean neck, try using nape. That helpful? Please rewrite your post with the changes I suggested, and I 'll change your mark which is currently 5/10. Thanks.

--Satan

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