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Date Posted: 16:35:15 03/27/01 Tue
Author: Highlander
Subject: Re: a foolish thief, are you
In reply to: rachel 's message, "a foolish thief, are you" on 05:32:37 03/26/01 Mon

Well well well LA what we have here is two short stories wrapped up in two sentences of pure glory...I would say you did very very well in splitting the lines (makes a great noise and the tone of the message is well placed). Again a brilliant piece, very phylosophical...one tip if I may introduce?
I would structure it in this way (making only one change)

"You stole all the jewels out of my heart and eyes
and then expect me to look on at you with love
in my soul?" I would have added a QUESTION MARK? instead of an EXCLAMATION MARK! You sound more convincing in your conversation...try it, it may just work, I know this line from my Drama School Days (not the line but the tone)

And on the second line I would change one word (for tone effect)
you are nothing to me but a foolish thief, those jewels cannot sparkle unless happiness is behind them. and you will never be happy.(check the first two words and say them out loud then maybe youīll get my drift..."You ARE nothing to me......")
But only suggestions, you donīt have to if you donīt need to...I loved this message greatly...great talent LA you are.

Love as always
Stephen XXX

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