Author:
ARIES CARRIEDO
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Date Posted: 20:51:22 02/20/03 Thu
>Subject: Taga san ka?
>
>
>MAHIRAP LAHAT
>Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
>Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
>Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
>Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
>Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
>Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
>Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.
>
>WHERE TO GO TO COLLEGE?
>If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to
>UP.
>If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
>If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La
>Salle.
>If you have no money, go to PUP.
>
>CHRISTMAS SPIRIT
>A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it
>would be a good
>idea if he solicited the support of a number of
>schools to get
>together
>to
>create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas
>Mass. The day
>before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the
>Nativity Scene
>was still
>incomplete so
>he made a few inquiries on why this was so.
>
>Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not
>three wise
>men. La Salle reported it could not come up with even
>a single wise
>man. Maryknoll reported that it could not come up with
>even a single
>virgin. San Beda reported that it could only come up
>with three wise
>gays. UP reported that they killed the three wise men.
>
>QUESTION AND ANSWER
>Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite hurls a
>grenade at
>him?
>A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the
>firing pin and
>hurl
>it back at the La Sallite.
>
>Q: How do La Sallites count to ten?
>A: One, two, three, another, another, and another.
>
>PASIKATAN NG GRADWEYTS
>UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated
>from UP.
>Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos,
>to name just a
>few!
>ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo
>graduates became
>national
>heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen.
>Antonio Luna,
>Avelio, Javier and many others.
>UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become
>presidents and
>lead
>countries while Atenean end up getting shot!
>LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
>UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
>LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si
>Gary Valenciano,
>Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario .
>.
>
>HOW TO IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE
>A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says:
>"Miss, I'd
>like a green parrot, please." The salesgirl looks at
>him and asks:
>"Sir, are you a La Sallite, by any chance?"
>The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong
>'yan? If I
>ordered
>BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I
>don't think
>so.
>If
>I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were
>from UP? I think
>not.
>So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN parrot, do you
>ask me if I'm
>from
>La
>Salle?"
>"Sir, kasi naman..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a
>flower shop,
>eh."
>
>A TYPICAL CONVERSATION
>Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a
>typical La Sallite
>conversation:
>La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I
>have in this
>bag, I will give you both of them. La Sallite #2: Uh,
>two?
>La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!
>
>BARKADA SA HUNTING
>Tatlong magkaka-barkada: a La Sallite, a UP student,
>and an Atenean
>went on a hunting trip. The first night, the guy from
>UP comes back
>to the
>cabin
>with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and
>he coolly
>replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and
>bang! I got
>the deer!" The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes
>back also with a
>big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks,
>and bang! I got
>the deer!" was the Atenean's story. Therefore, the La
>Sallite decides
>to try it himself. However, the next night, as he
>drags himself back
>to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and
>bloody all
>over. "What happened?" they ask. "Well," replies the
>La Sallite, "I
>saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A
>train hit me."
>
>A MURDER MYSTERY (To be solved solely on the basis of
>pure logic) Who
>committed the murder?
>Suspects:
>The Humble Atenean, The Bright La Sallite, The
>Innocent Maryknoller,
>The Unaffected Assumptionista, The UP Graduate
>Culprit: The UP Graduate
>Logic: No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright
>La Sallite or an
>Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.
>
>HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
>In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine
>Society of
>Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board
>got curious to
>know what particular schools attended the big
>celebration. Therefore,
>he checked out the house where it was all happening.
>Guess whom he
>found and where
>he
>found them?
>UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to
>have a fraternity
>ritual UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing
>the lawn
>UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
>Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a
>microphone chanting the
>"BLUE EAGLE" spelling
>La Salle - they were eavesdropping
>San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others
>were in the
>bedroom
>with some Paulinians
>St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
>La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
>Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
>Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans . .
>.like always
>Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours
>already since
>arriving
>St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the
>bathroom
>CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were
>busy with the
>laundry
>St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
>UE - they don't know what's an air conditioner
>UST - they were everywhere
>FEU - they were nowhere
>MLQU - sob! They were not invited
>San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by security?
>Letran - the Security
>Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
>TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
>NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
>JRC - they were the ones buying
>Adamson - went to Luneta instead
>Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
>CRC - what the hell is this party for?
>PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
>NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
>AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters
>
>SUICIDAL SANDWICH
>There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite,
>and a UP student
>(so you know this story is fictional). Anyway,
>everyday, they met for
>lunch and ate their sandwiches.
>UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman?
>Sawang-sawa na ako dito
>ah. Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na naman ang
>baon ko,
>magpapatiwakal na ako.
>Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I am sick of
>this already.
>If I get another roast beef sandwich again tomorrow, I
>am gonna shoot
>myself. La Salle: Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is
>my baon again. I
>am so sawa with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon
>tomorrow is ham
>sandwich again, I am gonna drive my CRV over the
>cliff. The next
>morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had
>the same
>sandwiches again. The UP student went back to his
>dorm, pulled out a
>belt, and choked himself to death. The Atenean went
>home, got a gun,
>and
>shot
>himself in the head. The La Sallite drove his CRV off
>a cliff. During
>their funeral, their mothers were interviewed:
>UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang
>peanut butter
>sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko sa
>kanya.
>Ateneo: If he had told me that he did not want roast
>beef anymore, I
>would not have given him roast beef. La Salle: Hindi
>ko maintindihan
>kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya naman yung
>gumagawa ng sarili
>niyang sandwich.
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