You Can't Keep a Good Sock Down -- UWS RP Board

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Date Posted: 06:57:59 08/07/03 Thu
Author: Sean and the Se�or
Subject: You Can't Keep a Good Sock Down

[The scene opens in a small home gym. The simple equipment--a weight bench, a set of weights, and a stationary bike--have been pushed against the walls to make as much space in the center of the room as possible. There is a blue wrestling mat on the floor. "Bad News" Sean Lassiter is doing situps on the mat, wearing cut-off jean shorts and a white T-shirt that reads, "Hot Kobe Beef Injection." Se�or Calcet�no, his tan sock puppet with googly eyes and a twirly mustache, is lying on the mat, not moving. The Se�or is wearing a tiny white T-shirt with "Mr. Socko Takes it up the Opening" written in even tinier black script. Se�or Calcet�no has a large band-aid brand bandage across one eye like an eyepatch. Another is across where his waist should be, looking more like a beige belt than anything else. He still has the scuff and boot marks on his body that he received at the last Blackened.]

Bad News: (as he continues his situps) Come on, Se�or Calcet�no, you can do it!

[Like before, Sean does the voice of Se�or Calcet�no in a high-pitched offensive Puerto Rican stereotypical accent.]

Se�or Calcet�no: No, I caant do it.

Bad News: You can! Fight the pain!

Se�or Calcet�no: No! Ees too much pain. I'm a broken shell of a man. I caant even feel my legs!

Bad News: (stopping as he sits up again) You don't have any legs.

Se�or Calcet�no: Oh... dat would hexplain dat. I steel hurt too mach.

Bad News: Come on, Se�or Calcet�no. I know just how painful the road to recovery can be. After that big bully Judas Dagon broke my neck, I thought I would never walk again. But, day by day, inch by inch, I clawed my way back to the land of the living. And know I'm back to 100 percent, both mentally and physically. I know you can do it too, Se�or Calcet�no.

Se�or Calcet�no: No, I caant. Ees too hard.

[Sean shifts into a cross-legged position, leaning over Se�or Calcet�no, and clenches his fist as he continues to shout support.]

Bad News: Come on! Just one situp. Surely you can do that.

[Se�or Calcet�no grunts for a few seconds, but remains motionless on the mat.]

Se�or Calcet�no: No, ees impossible.

Bad News: Nothing is impossible. Think about all your fans, Se�or. Think about the little kids who look up to you.

Se�or Calcet�no: Dey do look up to me, doan dey?

Bad News: How could they not? You are the perfect example of someone who worked their way up from the slums to become a role-model to billions. Think of all your work with the special olympics.

Se�or Calcet�no: Dere is dat, si.

Bad News: Remember how Edward James Olmos thanked you when he won that Humanitas award for his role in the made for TV movie, "Barrio Bean-town Beatdown"?

Se�or Calcet�no: (sniff) Dat is true. He cried like a leetle baby. Like a leetle pock-faced baby.

Bad News: See? You can't just give up now. Not after all you've been through. When I first met you, you were just hanging out in a used clothing market. You had nothing.

Se�or Calcet�no: I hremember dose days. Dey were tough days. Cramped working conditions, you know.

Bad News: And what about your twin brother? Do you remember the day he was lost?

Se�or Calcet�no: (sniff) Jes, I remember. Another young man who just vanished off de face of de hearth. Anoder story of da streets. One minute he was een a laundromat, danceeng with all his friends... and den he was gone.

Bad News: You have to continue on, Se�or Calcet�no. If not for me, if not for yourself, if not for all your fans... then for your poor missing brother.

Se�or Calcet�no: Si, I must do it. For heem, and for heveryone else. I swear I will recover from deese injuries, even eef it keels me!

[Se�or Calcet�no grunts again, but still the sock puppet remains horizontal.]

Bad News: (reaching down) Let me help you.

Se�or Calcet�no: No! I caan do eet. I... will... do... eet!

[As Sean's hand drops to a barely visible piece of fishing line hanging down behind him, Se�or Calcet�no slowly begins to shake. The fishing line strings up to the ceiling, where it strings back down again to the tip of Se�or Calcet�no's head. The tan sock shakes as the grunts continue. After nearly a full minute of exertion, Se�or Calcet�no raises halfway off the mat. He holds there, shaking, for a few seconds before falling back to the mat.]

Se�or Calcet�no: (gasping) I deed it!

Bad News: (smiling) You sure did, Se�or Calcet�no! We've shown those big bullies in the Acts of God that we are made of stronger stuff. We won't be punked out like all the rest. They can't just walk all over us. We will stand up to them, and we will win.

Se�or Calcet�no: Jes! We will ween!

[Se�or Calcet�no begins to shake again as he does another situp, this time with less exertion.]

Bad News: Feel the burn!

Se�or Calcet�no: Feel de burn! Dose beetches are gonna get a face full of the Se�or when I see dem again!

[Sean begins doing situps, his left hand still manipulating the fishing line. Both of them start doing situps in tandem.]

Bad News: You know something, Se�or Calcet�no?

Se�or Calcet�no: Wha?

Bad News: I don't think it's enough for us just to hit them back. I think we should hit them where it really hurts.

Se�or Calcet�no: Really?

Bad News: Jes... I mean, yes. We should team up, and take the tag team titles away from the Champions of Sin.

Se�or Calcet�no: Ya! We weel smack dose beetches up good!

Bad News: Feel the burn!

Se�or Calcet�no: Feel de burn! Dey better be ready for Calcet�no's Revenge!!!

Bad News: Yeah!

[The two of them continue to work out in the spartan room, as the scene fades slowly to black.]

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