Close out Buys!!!! -- Road to the Superbowl

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Subject: Close out Buys!!!!

Author:
Tommy D

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Date Posted: 13:12:10 01/19/01 Fri

> Dear Football Fan:
>
> With the end of the 2000 pro football season here in Minnesota, we are
> excited to offer the following items in our annual end-of-the-season
closeout
> sale. Order fast, these items are sure to move!
> * 40 pairs of testicles (most are shriveled or not fully developed)
> * 40 hearts (like new, many not even used)
> * 40 spines (still in the box)
> * Two outside linebackers (D. Rudd, E McDaniel ... make offer; 20%
discount
> if both ordered)
> * One former All-Pro defensive lineman (J. Randle ... no decent offer
refused
> ... can play tackle or end with equal inefficiency; terrifying face paint
> included)
> * Entire defensive secondary kit ... this all-in-one solution is perfect
for
> college teams finishing in the middle of the BCS standings who want a
quick
> upgrade; pro teams who want a complete defensive secondary taxi squad; or
XFL
> teams looking for slow, confused d-backs to get burned (resulting in
> high-scoring games, thereby boosting their TV ratings)
> * One baseball cap with Christian cross logo (didn't work) ...actually
worn
> by future hall-of-famer Cris Carter
> * Genuine autographed Denny Green game plan ... great novelty item,
always
> good for some laughs; note: some pages have authentic food stains
>
> SPECIAL OFFER!
> Free with each order, your choice of the following:
> * David Palmer or Troy Walters bobble-head dolls (actual size) ...these
cute
> little guys make great gifts or dashboard mementos of an actual NFL
season
> * Wassa Serwanga jersey ... slightly torched despite all-asbestos
material
> * Robert Tate poster ... showing #28 in his classic "hands-on-hips
because I
> just gave up six" pose
> * Todd Steussie autographed penalty flag ... with all 47 of his holding
and
> illegal motion penalties this year listed on both sides
> * Randy Moss mouth guard ... size extra large; not guaranteed to prevent
> gagging
> * Tube of Mitch Berger groin pull ointment
> * Classic Cris Carter "first down" pose statuette ... like new (not used
> since January 7)
> * Robert Smith knee cartilage chips
> * Miniature Armen Terzian whiskey bottle ... a replica of the bottle
tossed
> from the stands that brained back judge Armen Terzian during the classic
> Vikings-Cowboys playoff game in 1975, after Terzian failed to call (even
> though it wasn't his call) Drew Pearson for offensive pass intereference
> against Nate Wright ... a must-have for any true Vikings fan
> To order, call Winter Park, headquarters of the Vikings in Eden Prairie.
> Red McCombs is standing by to take your order now!
> Thank you. Look for more great items next year.

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: Close out Buys!!!!	Barry AKA GIANTS 2K1	12:26:30 01/20/01 Sat

Re: Close out Buys!!!!	kielty	20:30:53 01/21/01 Sun