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Punisher and Death Watch
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Date Posted: 22:08:40 12/29/00 Fri
Sometimes things just are not what they appear to be. You can be thinking one thing, but the truth is, the complete opposite has just occurred right under your nose without you even being aware of what just happened. That is just the nature of life and that is just how things work. If we had everything figured out then there would be no surprises and life would be boring. To be fooled, to be tricked and to be mislead might seem negative but when you really think about it, that is how we learn and learning is a big part of life.
Everyday we learn something and we will keep learning until the day we die. How we handle ourselves with lives little lessons dictates who we are and what we become. If we choose to try and better ourselves through the lessons learned then we can only became better individuals, however, if we ignore the lessons and think we know it all, then we are nothing but fools. The world is full of fools and that is a fact that we must come to accept but we can make a difference and we must make a difference.
Sometimes it is the little things that go a long way in describing who we are. That one little lesson that forced you to change and modify one aspect of your behavior can in fact be the one thing that people will forever remember about you. No one is perfect, no matter how much we would like to think that we are, the truth is, we are far from it. Yes indeed, we are imperfect beings living on an imperfect planet. Do we have to settle for this fact? No we don’t, we can try to improve, we can try to learn, but learning takes time and time is something that not many of us have or are willing to invest in.
Over the course of the past three weeks I have been hurting, a hurt that I hope none of you ever have to face but the truth is, that hurt in some ways is my own fault because I did not apply the lessons in life that I learned through the years. It is typical really, if you look at where it all started that is. I guess the only way to understand the story is to go back and look at how it all began so let us do so.
For the past four years I have been together as a couple with an individual that we shall call, her (or she). Those four years have been some of the best years of my life. The day we met I never would have guessed that she would turn out to be my best friend and my lover at the same time. As is usually the case each and everyday I couldn’t wait to see her bright smile, I couldn’t wait to hold her in my arms and hear those words everyone longs to hear (I love you). Yes, they were good years and I do not regret them for one single moment.
However, just as every other couple we had our fair share of problems but nothing that could not be worked out within a matter of days. That is part of what being in a relationship is all about, you take the good with the bad and you build off it. No one ever said being with another is easy but in the end, if you care enough for that individual it is all worth it. From the very onset of the relationship we were tested on many occasions and by and large, we kept passing each and every single test that was put in front of us. Just six months into the relationship we found out that she was pregnant. With both of us being in school and having our whole lives ahead of us we had to make a tough decision. We contemplated the pro’s and the con’s from everything to having the child to adoption to abortion. In the end, it was decided that the better and the best course of action would be to have the child and raise it to the best of our abilities given the circumstances that we were in.
Both of our families were very supportive of our decision. Both sides agreed to help with money because we were in fact both still in school and could not logically afford having a child without some assistance. We decided that the year after the child was born she would return to her studies while I took a year off to help raise the infant. Every thing seemed fine and our worries soon turned to joy. Yet, once again that joy disappeared and turned into sadness as half way into the pregnancy she had a miscarriage and lost the child. In hind sight we both agree that perhaps it was for the best. We wouldn’t have to worry about money, we wouldn’t have to worry about our futures and we wouldn’t have to worry about depending on others just to get by which was very important to the both of us because we are two individuals filled with pride. The truth is, we were sad, her more then me when we lost the unborn child but the truth is, is we both got over it and in some ways became closer because of it.
A year later we decided that it would be fun to take the relationship to the next level and thus we made a home together. At first it was a humble home with the basic necessities and a few perks but together we managed to pull together and turn it into the place that we always wanted. We both had money, we both came from wealthy families so it was only a matter of time before we had what we both wanted. Yes, everything was going good and their appeared to be no downside to anything in sight, that is, until the day her youngest brother died. This incident threw us into another hard period in our journey together. She was always close to her family, closer then I ever was to mine. When we first moved out, we moved just three houses away from her parents and it seemed like we were always there. Hell, I wasn’t complaining, free food man, free food (lol).
It happened one night after he was coming home from a party. He was a good kid, smart as hell with a great future ahead of him so we were both surprised when we found out that the cause of the accident involved alcohol. In the past he, (just like every other kid his age) would go out and have fun but he was always responsible. I remember a few times he had even called our house asking if I could come pick him up because he had too much to drink and was in no state to drive. We don’t know what came over him that night but after an evening of heavy drinking, he got in his car and tried to make his way home. He never got there, in fact, two other people never got home either. The police report stated that he lost control of his vehicle while trying to navigate a corner and rammed into an oncoming car immediately killing the two occupants of the other automobile and himself.
Yes, loosing a family member under any circumstances is hard but it just makes matters worse when that member is the direct cause of death to others as well. See, we live in a small community just outside the city and everyone knows everyone. We would be walking in the local shopping center and we would come face to face with a member of the family whose sibling’s life her brother had taken away. For the longest time she wouldn’t leave the house because she was tired of apologizing, tired of telling the story and tired of the pain. She was devastated by the loss and even more so by the loss of the other two individuals.
However, with time, she began to heal and she began to forgive her brother for what he had done. You never truly get over the loss of a loved one but you get better. Sometimes memories are all we have and as hard as it might be, those memories will stay with you forever so you have to cherish them and hold onto them. It was a rough period for both of us but we managed to get through it together and once again probably became stronger as a couple because of it.
I could sit here all night and tell you about the ups and down of our lives together but quite frankly, there is no need to. Just like every other couple we had the good and the bad. However, the hardest test that we had to pass was my leaving for the Network and then the A.O.D.W.F. She always said she understood and would have it no other way as that is what I was born to do but I never really believed her. I knew that she was just saying the things that she was saying because she did not want to hold me back or control me for fear that I would leave. Part of me knew it, but the other part of me ignored it and went on to do what I have been doing for the past few years.
She was instrumental in actually getting me into the business to begin with. If it were not for her, I never would have gone to the Network and I never would have gone to the A.O.D.W.F. To me, she was too important to loose over anything because without her I would be lost and just a shadow of the man I am today. See, in my case I do not have very many friends because I feel that no one can really understand where I am coming from. I choose not to have friends and or people to talk to because I do not feel comfortable around people and I do not trust people. Whenever I had something on my mind or whenever I needed to talk to someone about anything it would be her. She was and she is the backbone of who I am. All my thoughts, all my secrets all my everything she knows and she understands, that is until three weeks ago.
It was hard on both of us being on the road for so long. I could go weeks without seeing her but all the while I was thinking about her and waiting until I could hold her in my arms, wipe the hair from her face and tell her I love her. It wasn’t as hard for us as it is for others though and for that you guys have my respect. See, I have to put everything in perspective, I am one of the biggest names in the industry and that is just a fact. Therefore, I have certain powers that others do not and I have taken advantage of them as often as I can. She has been flown out numerous times to be at my side on the road, if we had it our way she would be by my side all the time but that is not the case as she has her own job to look after at home. I can’t expect her to drop everything just to be with her and she can’t expect to drop everything just to be with me. We have fought over the issue in the past but nothing too serious. It always came down to her understanding that this is who I am and what I do, but still, I always knew that she wasn’t telling the truth. How could she be? Who could sit there and watch the one they love in pain night after night? Sitting there fearing, sitting there wondering and sitting there hoping that you make it out in one piece. I have been through many wars and each time she has been there at the end standing by my side. She would tell me she understood but the look in her eyes often told another tale.
To be honest, I have in the past thought about giving it all up to be with her but I know I would miss it too much. I just couldn’t do that to her. Hi Honey, I’m home! Get her hopes up and then a couple of months later leave her once again to return to the wars. It wouldn’t be fair to her and it couldn’t be fair to me either. The last time I seriously thought about stepping out was a month ago while on a weeks vacation back home. It had been a good week, one I will never forget. She called me while on the road and said that I had to come home because she had something very important to tell me but wanted to tell me to my face. At first I thought the worst but she soon eased my fears and told me that it was nothing negative. Slightly relieved I went to see the President and asked him for some time off and he agreed. When I arrived home, I was greeted with the news that she was expecting.
What a week it was, this time things were different. No longer were we two kinds still in school just fighting to get by. We were two adults with more then enough resources to make it happen and we were both very excited. We spent all week talking about the future, we spent all week planning and preparing. I told her I had come to a decision, one more year and I would call it quits. We had a long discussion but in the end we both agreed it was the best thing to do, one more year. By the time the week ended, I was back in Europe and once again engaged in war. I had a different outlook on life though. Many people said I did not seem to be the same man inside the ring that they once knew. I guess that is true but it had something to do with the fact that I started to care more about what happened to me because after all, I was about to be a father.
Just as everything started looking great it happened. The police report said the man lost control of his vehicle while trying to turn a corner and collided head on with her car killing her instantly. Once again, full circle, once again the pain and once again the hurt. I never got a chance to say good bye, I never got the chance to tell her I loved her that one last time. No, instead I was across the Ocean playing some stupid game when I should have been at home by her side.
Yeah, life teaches us many lessons and sometimes I wonder why? This has happened twice before so you would figure I would be able to apply the lessons that I learned in the past and put them to good use here but it is not working, not by a long shot. My brother was the first to loose someone he loved. He lost her and his unborn child while she was in the hospital delivering. I am sure somewhere along the line you have heard that story so there is no need to go into it right now. Then there was a few years ago when she lost her brother in very much the same circumstances. You would figure that I would be getting used to this sort of thing now but no one ever does, no one ever can.
Sitting down in front of his computer, the young man double clicks on the Death Watch folder. Once the folder is open, he clicks the Word Perfect button and types the word Hurt the conclusion (part 7). After staring at the screen for a few minutes, he starts typing and forgetting about the hurt and as he does, he is home.
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