Re: Opaque & Starring Dedicated to Ashley Owen Smith -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 15:43:27 08/29/04 Sun
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: NoHost / 80.43.219.253
Subject: Re: Opaque & Starring Dedicated to Ashley Owen Smith
In reply to: AAAGGGSSS 's message, "Opaque & Starring Dedicated to Ashley Owen Smith" on 21:21:32 06/25/04 Fri

Some good imagery Al. However, I think it could be strengthened by being 'tighter'.

R

>Thine own fire
>that do
>
>glow in the fire-place
>mercilessly,
>and flames that sparkle high
>flame ever
>
>to its place of rest,
>brittle coals there also
>lie and teasing
>crying,
>to a wind that does
>howl; elapse by
>in, her own strange fury
>
>that does eye
>so, non caring
>it all
>
>Sees, with the strange lot
>of her eyes
>and blanketed misery
>that the ground knows
>
>and that which creeps
>across so gently
>
>It must enter a shining on hours
>past midnight
>
>when the forest near aloof
>in such scattered distant
>cries
>
>and hanging, needles
>not caressed to move
>
>at all slumber their bread
>internally wed
>to move
>
>as an aloft policing breeze
>she to walks
>in such obliterating power
>but instead
>she to decides
>it to be
>much better
>
>to sail
>the ground instead
>
>Those footed tones we hear
>surmise
>as lies
>when the window
>so very barest open
>
>and the darkness large eyes, that too
>always blink
>
>when we should turn; open only ours, too
>to that which is to settle, and that to which
>we dare move, or think
>
>in the far tunnel
>of our eyes
>
>with their quick glances
>unimagined roll
>just beyond the embers
>that ephervescence the wind
>has merely foretold
>
>in yours; his; opaque and wide eyes
>
>that the edges the fires,
>flames,
>
>remembers;
>always do there
>recognize,
>as she has been looking
>
>staring
>past
>
>the vision of you

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