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Date Posted: 13:37:47 03/04/05 Fri
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: dsl-80-43-91-191.access.as9105.com / 80.43.91.191
Subject: Re: Der??????
In reply to: Michael 's message, "Der??????" on 06:29:34 02/27/05 Sun

This was a quirky style for you but I quite enjoyed it. Although the first and last sentence relate to the title and theme, I personally would lose them and develop the main body. I enjoyed the 'story telling' quality and the richness of the imagery and would like to see piece extended.



>He walked out of the office and walked into a
>rainforest. To his left giant tree frogs riveted and
>to his right, snakes and tarantulas danced together, a
>dance of life. He walked straight over the squelchy
>mulch, giant beetles scurrying over his open toed
>sandals, whilst leeches sucked blood from his ankles.
>Birds of paradise sang a heavenly chorus and
>chimpanzees made tea in the forest canopy. “More tea
>vicar” said one.
>
>On he walked through the fluorescent forest, miles and
>miles. Getting strength from the moisture, from the
>heat, from the enervation. He reached a road, gashed
>through the forest, where trees thundered down,
>screaming in pain and terror and large animals lay
>dead, squashed by the death of the forest. On he
>walked, back into the womb of the planet, deeper and
>darker. Bats flew from hidden caves, orchids marched
>up vines and almost naked men walked stealthily across
>the path, looking earnestly for something. Deeper in
>he walked, blood streaming down his legs, past mines
>where children worked in mud and slurry digging for
>jewellery whilst chewing on leaves.
>
>He looked down. Why was he wearing a dress?

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