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Date Posted: 10:40:08 03/16/05 Wed
Author: Rafaél
Author Host/IP: ppp-0-136.milt-b-1.access.uk.tiscali.com / 80.40.54.136
Subject: Re: Earthquake
In reply to: Michael 's message, "Earthquake" on 10:10:42 03/09/05 Wed

The punctuation does force the reader a measured approach to reading this. Some interesting images. By the way, Hope is a cool name for a doll. Seriously though, the fifth line could perhaps elaborate, or be re-worded to bring a little more personification to the victims here. The attempt at a profound ending could have been better if it were more original and less cliché. A little re-working and you will have a reasonable piece.

Thanks for da read


Rafaél

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