Re: ~Once In '99 ~ [strong adult] -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 14:17:39 07/13/02 Sat
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB05a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.167
Subject: Re: ~Once In '99 ~ [strong adult]
In reply to: sp99 's message, "Re: ~Once In '99 ~ [strong adult]" on 12:56:48 07/13/02 Sat

You are welcome - and to also see my email on this.

>Thank you Raphaela,
>
>Even your 'short of time' critique gives me MUCH
>to work with to polish this into a poem where I
>pray I may help some upon reading to realize
>that this type of treatment is not the kind to take
>and to use whatever they can legally to escape.
>I appreciate your read very, very much with your
>valued 'honest opinion!!!
>
>SuSanne
>
>Oh yes, I am certainly taking yours and Gem.'s
>advice of considering prose and mostly at this
>point, it is a time factor not being able to branch
>out more than I already have....and that too may
>soon change...*smile*....thanks again!!!
>
>>I first read your poem this morning but did not have
>>time to comment then and wanted the opportunity to
>>re-read. I particularly like the first stanza. It is
>>strong, full of imagery, enabling your reader to
>>visualise and sense what may be about to follow. The
>>animal imagery works well, particularly the snake and
>>the lizard.
>>
>>If you want my honest opinion, I think the poem could
>>be shorter - it would be stronger that way - the first
>>3 stanzas say it all, even by the the second. If you
>>wish to tell the full story, then maybe adapt it to
>>prose and with your poetic skill, this could then
>>become a more interesting autobiographical piece.
>>Unfortunately, time is against me for doing a details
>>technical crit but I preferred the first half of the
>>poem.
>>
>>Raphaela
>>
>>

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