Re: Untilted -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 13:59:52 07/20/02 Sat
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheM05b.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.194.15
Subject: Re: Untilted
In reply to: Ambrosia 's message, "Untilted" on 02:28:48 07/14/02 Sun

The way you have structured this poem makes it very powerful and emotive. The repetition of "I" in the first stanza and then "to" in the second, bringing it back to "I" in the third are very effective, adding emphasis and making it more personal, particularly given the content.

The first stanza could relate to many personal, emotional situations, but the second line of the second stanza give it a definite meaning. However, you do not reveal the real meaning behind the poem until the last stanza.

I do not know if this is personal to you - however it is the type of poem that could be used by shelter organisations to help others. A poem like this can touch people far more than an inpersonal article.

Good to see you here Ambrosia - you write very well for one so young and I see a great future ahead of you.

Raphaela

>I want to feel your touch
>I want to know your kiss
>I want so much to dream of you
>To dream of you like this
>
>To remember you when I was in your arms
>To remember you when you did not scream
>To remember those enjoy filled days
>To remember those lovely ways
>
>I do not want to know you like this
>I do not want to see you hit
>I do not want to feel you hit
>All I want is out of this

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Replies:

Re: Untilted -- Ambrosia, 07:57:03 07/21/02 Sun