Re: Passage -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 10:26:25 07/23/02 Tue
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheM08b.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.194.18
Subject: Re: Passage
In reply to: AAAAGGGSSS 's message, "Passage" on 07:13:59 07/22/02 Mon

I like this Al and the profundity behind the imagery.

There are a couple of little things I wasn't too sure about - if you want a detailed crit I could go through it with you when we next chat.

Raphaela
x

>The old bridge hung
>slats wet from rains
>that fell, as we herded
>buffalo, elephant so carefully
>
>to keep them
>rightly corralled
>lease they corrupt the sidebars
>and one fall
>
>a significant drop
>
>Rocks not sympathetic
>with a river swollen
>with its eerie collections
>
>And all not adequate neither
>rounded; able to break a leap
>or fall.
>
>As the rains continued -
>with sounds of animals
>that rippled across the thinning air
>
>horses wide eyed, leaned
>frequently on their back legs,
>anxious of the sight
>
>with masses of cattle
>to squeezed a tiny bridge
>incapable as rocking began
>lightening flashed - heavens
>jeered with their sounds,
>
>then the throwing of sleet
>snow with ice, a sight
>not to put us at ease
>as one struck a sidebar, and
>a stampede broke
>the silence of hell
>
>and our comfort followed
>the cattle, now falling
>over
>
>As we stood with our eyes in tears
>the winds not relenting,
>and new howls
>to fill the air
>
>of wolves to encircled
>with our livestock
>washing and crippled on the stones
>and all the horses affrighted
>
>reddened eyes appeared
>in night, rising bloodied
>like new moons

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