Re: Seasons (Villanelle) -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 19:50:15 07/24/02 Wed
Author: AAAAGGGSSS
Author Host/IP: dialup-65.56.25.67.Dial1.Stamford1.Level3.net / 65.56.25.67
Subject: Re: Seasons (Villanelle)
In reply to: SandDollar 's message, "Seasons (Villanelle)" on 11:10:58 07/24/02 Wed

Hiii A

Actually I thought that alot of the rym schemes whatnot were somewhat difficult. I think that was good in your first stanza, how it just semed to flair out as it did. My receipe would be to have it flair out as far as it could, or just keep it super tight so it just focused and focused.

this over here -

Sun-drenched morn sadly yields her aims.
With accomplished grace and caring,
To chilly gusts that evening tames.

for me it was hard to imagine someting sun drenched to yield 'sad' aims, I spose that wold get spookie for me if I were in the midst of wild and wicked sun only to have sadness come upon me, or be shown, as part of the sunniness, oh well. the second line I had a problem with too since you swing it back to the caring aspect again. so we have both aspects of the sun, I kno3w it is not quite that simple, but it seems a little psychotic to me, hehe. Since I am not so sure of the structure of the poem style, I can't really restructure it to show what I mean or what I mena would be better or a might clearer.

Sun-drenched morn (in her sadness) [sadly] yields [her] aims.
[With] accomplished (in) grace and caring,
To chilly gusts that evening tames.

oh I dont know, but juust not so central, hehe, just my thinking out loud, but I did looovvvveeee all said here, x Al

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Replies:

Re: Seasons (Villanelle) -- SandDollar, 07:12:13 07/25/02 Thu
- Re: Seasons (Villanelle) -- AAAAGGGSSS, 08:13:22 07/25/02 Thu