Re: A Portrait with words -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 14:57:47 07/26/02 Fri
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheM03b.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.194.13
Subject: Re: A Portrait with words
In reply to: CJ 's message, "A Portrait with words" on 16:27:46 07/25/02 Thu

The repetition of 'Drawing a portrait of words' acts like a chorus, giving this poem a lyrical quality - and I think it could work well as a song. I like it as a poem, particularly the theme, but at times I feel it is a bit forced in places to fit in the rhyme scheme.

Raphaela

>Tuesday I�m writing like always before
>Looking for ways to unlock a door
>In my mind I see it so clear
>All the right sights I want you to hear
>Fingers go dancing in silent delight
>Across this keyboard twirling in flight
>Drawing a portrait of words
>How will you take these thoughts I express
>They may not be blessed with sweet tenderness
>If the structure is sounding too blue
>Maybe it won�t be worth reading to you
>Still I am willing to give it a try
>It�s what I do it�s how I get by
>Drawing a portrait of words
>I sit by myself a frown on my face
>My feeling hollow laying in waste
>Thoughts uncertain shrouded with doubt
>I�m ready to quit, stop and go out
>Take the dog for a walk on the beach
>Let my head bind with a vision I reach
>Drawing a portrait of words
> If I lose what I came here to find
>This window unopened somewhere in my mind
>Are you willing to cut me some slack?
>If I am unable to take it all back
>Will the words I leave left unsaid
>Reach the eyes that peek from your head
>Drawing a portrait of words
>
>� Coastaljoe

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Re: A Portrait with words -- AAAAGGGSSS, 18:14:26 07/26/02 Fri