Subject:  Cory's Eyes Chapter 2 |
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slash/ac
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Date Posted: 14:22:41 12/27/02 Fri
As I lay there trying to get some sleep, a cold chill ran down the back of my spine. It was as though someone had opened the window in the middle of a blizzard. I sat up and looked around, letting my eyes adjust to the low light in the room. Nothing had changed, the window was still closed and Mark, my roommate, was still finishing up his homework at his desk. He must have heard me sit up because when I looked over his way, he was looking right at me. He kind of scared me a little and he must have noticed because he started laughing.
“What’s so funny?” I asked him.
“You have a bad dream or something? You just sat up like I poured a bucket of ice water on you.” He exclaimed.
“No it’s weird. I was just about asleep when a cold chill went down my back.” I told him.
“Your right, that is weird. You should get back to sleep though, you had a long day. Aren’t you going to Sean’s tomorrow?”
“Ya I am. It’s gunna to be good to spend some time with him. We have a lot of catching up to do. They are going to adopt me, so I would like to get to know them.”
“Yes, you do have to get to know them. But on some way you already do know them.”
“I know I KNOW Sean, but I can’t remember that much about him. I don’t know them that well but I feel like in the short visits I’ve had with them that in some way I’ve known them all my life. They seem to know a lot about me.”
“Of course they do, they’ve read your files and from what I’ve heard, you and Sean used to be best friends so you’ve probably slept over at his house a lot.”
“Your right, I guess not having all of my memory makes things confusing at times. I’m trying to remember, I really am, but it’s so hard trying to think of things that I have no memory of. It seems the more I try, the less I remember. Then, I’ll walk past something, or smell something, and it brings back a feeling that, I don’t know, that I just remember.”
“Well that’s apart of the whole healing process Cory. You can’t just sit and think about what your life was like. You have to get up, look around and enjoy life now, in the present. You will remember, but it takes time. When you get those feelings, they are feelings of closeness, comfort, and familiarity. That’s when your mind is working on remembering. Just let it take its course and try and help yourself when the time is right. Your right, you can’t try and remember something that you can’t remember, that’s just impossible.”
“Wow, I never really thought about it that way. I mean I didn’t pay that close attention to how I was trying to remember. They only time I remembered was when I would see something. That’s when things came back. Maybe if I just let it come to me when it wants to, I’ll remember more. I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to the way I was, but that might be the way it’s suppose to be. There might be something to learn from all of this, thankx Mark, that really helped a lot but I’m tired so I’m going back to sleep. I have a lot to think about.”
“No problem buddy, what are roommates for?”
And with that, I lay back down and tried to get some sleep.
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“Hey! What are you doing? Get off of me Sean!” I yelled as I pushed him off from on top of me.
“Sorry Cory, I thought…. I thought that’s what you wanted. You did say that you love me didn’t you?”
“Uhmm… ya I guess I did but I didn’t mean…. wait. Are you…. Hummm…Do you…” My mind was racing a million times a minute. Can it be? Could he love me? Is he gay? All of these flooded my mind in a great tidal wave of emotion. It hit me like a brick fallen from the sky. All the signs, all the touches, all the times he was looking at me with those eyes staring deep into my soul, imbedding its self into my heart. All this time and he does love me. With that one unexpected kiss he just planted on me, he opened his heart and soul to me. I sat there on the side of his bed with a blank expression on my face, a look of confusion, but also a look of happiness. It was then that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I did love him. I love him as a best friend, as a brother, and now a deeper kind of love. A love that is rare, and is only found by very few people. I did what I thought was best. I looked him right in those beautiful hazel eyes, looking as deeply as I could and whispered the words, “I love you too” to him.
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I woke up in a sweaty panic. “What the hell was that?” I looked franticly around the room to see where Sean was but he was nowhere to be found. Mark was laying in bed, fast asleep, the light from the computer seized to exist. I could only imagine that he had been asleep for a while now. I calmed down enough to let my eyes adjust to the low level of light and remembered where I was, at home, in bed.
“That must have been a dream. But why would I dream about kissing Sean?” I said to myself. I stood up and made my way to the kitchen to get a drink of water. My mind was racing so I thought I might relax a bit by having a drink and sitting down to think things through. I got a glass from the cupboard and poured myself some fresh water from the filtered jug. The cold flow of the waster ran down my throat causing me to suddenly feel the need to use the washroom. I quickly went to the washroom to relive my self when a feeling came across me. I was standing there when the sentiment of being alone swooped in on me. It was like I was missing something in my life. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but it was there. I knew that there was more to my life than what I remembered. The emptiness was just so clear but the solution was still uncertain.
The sound of a dog barking brought me back to reality. I must have been standing there holding myself for a while because my usual morning woody was now limp resting in my hand. I finished up in the washroom and went back out to the kitchen. I look at the clock, 6:27am. “It’s too damn early to be up and awake.” I thought to myself. “Why did I dream about kissing Sean? I know I love him as a brother but could there be something more?”
My mind was racing. The thought of Sean brought a warm feeling to me. A feeling I’ve felt before but this time it was different. It was like it was the first time I felt it but I know it wasn’t, the feeling of being protected, cared for, and… well, a feeling of being loved. This realization sent a cold shiver down my spine. “Could this mean what I think it means? Am I…I…” I can’t even say it. This is too much for me right now. I need to go for a run and just clear my mind. That’s exactly what I need, a run.
A run will help me clear my thoughts. I quickly changed into my sweats for my run and left a little note for the “Warden”, which I like to call her. I closed the door and started my run. The cool air was shocking at first but I was quickly able to adjust. I started at a slow pace being as I forgot to stretch before leaving the house. The day was still new and I was going to make the best of it. I was going to spend the whole day with Sean. Who knows what he has planed for the day. He’s always doing something to make life interesting. He’s been there for me when I needed someone to help me. He’s the hinge to my door. Without him, I don’t know what I’d be doing. Just then a horn came blasting from the side of me.
“Look out you stupid little shit! I almost hit you!” a man yelled from his car.
“Sorry, I didn’t see you there. I was just running and my mind was kind of off on the moon.”
“Well you better pay attention or you’ll end up getting yourself killed.” The man exclaimed.
“I will, thankx.” I replied, and with that the man took off. I crossed the street and started to look around. The sight I saw was miraculous. I was on Sean’s street, just one house away from his. I was into my thoughts so much that I hadn’t even clued into the fact that I was running straight to Sean’s. I thought for a minute and then proceeded to his front door.
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