Subject:  working for sister & brother-in-law |
Author:
momof3
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Date Posted: 10:19:15 01/13/06 Fri
Hi,
I actually have a few questions, and any help is appreciated.
I work for my sister and they have almost 4 year old twins and a 2 1/2 year old. Two of the kids have special needs- autism like disorder. We have had a few disagreements re: pay (I only get paid for days worked, even if I'm canceled on) I do get a $100 bonus each month along with my $50 per day (7:15 til 4:00) (Basicly a 45 hour week) The schedule is a teachers schedule, so I don't get paid for school days off when my sister is home. We agreed on my pay for half ($25) when I get canceled on and don't work. This is the only agreement made because she felt very strongly on me only being paid for days worked and felt the $100 bonus was a 'cover' for issues that may arrise, even though it's called a 'perfect attendance' bonus for the month.
I also have my 3 1/2 year old and 1 year old with me during the day as well as a neighbor boy for a few hours after school. (when my sisters kids are sick, I also have to cancel on him because I go to my sisters house, there for I also don't get his $30 for the afternoon) DOUBLE WHAMMY
Anyways- My questions is in regards to her husband, my brother-in-law. I like the guy, he's a nice guy. BUT he works weird hours and is sometimes home and the kids are VERY clingy with him. He DOES NOT disipine the kids, at all. He says he would rather give them what they want so they are happy (to keep them quiet, for the moment) then to say "NO" or really ANY disipline (and MEAN it- he does say 'no sweety' in a normal tone voice, which every one knows, means nothing) I have yet to see him put the kids in a time out, or REALLY disipline them. (I am a 'strict' mom/aunt, but do not beleive in spanking- I use the 'naughty chair' (Super Nanny trick ;o) or 'firm' talking. Usually does the trick- they know not to 'cross' me, other wise toys are taken away and it's just not fun. Really I don't have a problem with the 4 yr old twins. The 2 yr old, that's another story. His 'special needs' issues make me WORK! He has therepy sessions 4 times a week and 3 of them support the disipline he needs (the 4th therepist comes at night when I'm not here) So I know what he understands and 'needs'.
My sister knows her husband is very lacking in the 'parent' role. But I look at it as 'their' problem, not mine. Well it is my problem now because when he's home, the kids are roudy and out of control. Running, screaming, crying- depends on the day.
Because 2 of the kids have special needs, they don't always understand what you're saying (the 2 year old is probably the worst here- the 4 yr old is pretty good- except when dad is here)
So my question is, Is it out of the question to say "Dad can't be here when I am?"
Most of the time he gets home when the kids are napping and he slams everything- drawers, doors, silverware, etc... He's SOOO loud! My sister has talked to him about his, and he said he trys but obviously forgets. (She's delt with it and knows he's loud too)
What promted me to ask is that yesterday my daughter was sleeping in the back room (same room the kids get their diapers changed) and when one of the twins woke up, he went in the back room to change her, KNOWING that my daughter (a year) was sleeping.
I take the wipe out of that room and leave them in the kitchen in case any of the kids need to be changed while my daughter is sleeping. The diapers are in a kitchen cabinet, so he didn't 'need' to go in there.
Well I mentioned this to my sister when I got here in the a.m. and she said "He mentioned that you might be upset with him because he went back there, but said that "Max" (my son) went in and woke her up. But he didn't want to change her (their daughter) any where else."
I've made signs for the doors that say "Shhhh... Children are sleeping. Please be quiet" but obviously he's used to seeing the signs and doesn't bother to keep it down.
It's so hard because they're my family.
I've decided that this is my last (and only) year to work here because of many reasons. BUT I'm here until June and just can't 'put up' with this for 6 more months.
What else can I do, besides quiting? They're getting an aupair in June to help, but I can't just quit because of obvious reasons.
I WISH I would have looked into what nanny's make, contracts, etc... BEFORE agreeing. My sister and I were VERY close and I just never thought that the issues that arised ever would because I was just trying to help out and just didn't think to check. It's been HARD and I don't recommend anyone to do it, unless you have a VERY detailed contract and it's kept busniness. That's what's so hard, because even though it's a business, it's still personal. But what can I do or say to keep him quiet, or out of the house when I'm not here, would be best! I've spoken with my (our) parents and although their advise goes along with what I feel, I can't say to my sister "Well mom and dad think..." because then it's makes ill feelings there. My father said "Well just tell them that he can't be there while you're working". Can I really keep someone out of their house? URG!!!!!
Thanks for any help- and reading so much!! :o)
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