| Subject: Parents spanking too much? |
Author:
Mattie
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Date Posted: 21:41:33 05/03/06 Wed
I really need an outside perspective on this. I took a job with a family for 6 months- it ends in sept. I've been working for them one night/week for a couple yrs, so I thought I knew what I was getting into-- A christian family. Dad isn't really that involved with the kids, and mom says "I will never spank or even say no." They have one 5 yr old girl who's always been a bit out of control as a result, but knows that the stuff she pulls with mom just doesn't work on me. They just adopted an 18mo old from Guatamala, and I started full time. Over the last few months mom has realised that her oldest is a brat and something must be done. She started reading books and toughening up. "GREAT!!" I thought. But now she seems to have read and taken to heart a book called "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and it is the scariest parenting book I have ever seen.
It advocates spanking for the slightest little thing (eg, a wrong look). It says you must tell your child that God says you HAVE to spank him- indeed tells parents that God does demand spankings. If your child won't be cheerful and cuddle with you afterwards, you must spank him again. And if he lies about what he has done wrong you don't spank because calling a child a liar will degrade your relationship. You can start spanking a child at 8 months of age and you must spank a bare bottom (with a paddle). Any activity that might boost self esteem is considered dangerous because children must be taught that they are evil sinners and that they should value others and not themseves. Anyway, I think you get the idea.
So this mother has begun a reign of terror- spanking her 5yr old with a spoon for EVERYTHING. She hasn't had many boundaries before, and now she is expected to dress eat and act EXACTLY as her mother says or she gets spanked. "What's wrong with "Parenting with Love and Logic" which sits on the same shelf?" I ask, and I fear the answer is that it does not quote scripture and must therefore be wrong. I arrive at 7:30 every morning and if we are left alone, the 5yr old gets to preschool on time, if mom "helps" she gets a spanking that morning and is half an hour late (but of course she leaves the house with an elaborate hairstyle, because looking good must be more important than being on time). And now I'm pretty sure she sees spankings as a way to get attention from mom, because (following the protocall in the book) there is a discussion before the spanking and lots of love and hugs after it.
Add to all this the tension caused by mom being jelous that I get to be with her kids and worried that the new one is going to attach to me more than to her, and I'm just about at my wit's end. I really feel like I should say something, but at the same time, it seems like it's not my place. She doesn't leave marks, and I don't think it's crossed the line into abuse (not the physical kind anyway), but I'm very concerned, and I'm not sure what to do.
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