| Subject: funny stories |
Author:
Keith
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Date Posted: 10:31:28 09/24/03 Wed
I've been busy lately so I haven't been able to share my latest and greatest hijinx.
I have no idea how to spell that.
Well, for two weeks running I've been drunk from mid-afternoon (that means barely the afternoon) Thursday until late Sunday nite/Monday morning ... and it has been fantastic.
Week One highlight: I drank sangria, jello shots w/ everclear (instead of the usual boring vodka) and played beer pong all afternoon. Then at bars I drank long islands everywhere I went, which was only three places consciously. The fourth place was the doozy. The Miller Light girls were there and the second we got in the place the bartender came over the PA and said, "upstairs now, you're chance to win FREE BEERS!" Needless to say, I thought I needed another. Unfortunately my coordination seemed to leave me. All I had to do was throw a football through a hole. I was given multiple opportunties by the ladies, who eventually saw the desperate state I was in and caved. Score, one free beer.
At this point, Miguel's buddy D.J. who was visiting from South Carolina, decided to spray everyone in the bar with the fire extinguisher. To our dismay, no employees noticed. Then D.J. suggested that I attempt to steal the fire extinguisher, which seemed quite logical at the time. I walked around the kitchen to check from employees when I found a rather large, and rather annoyed bouncer who let me know in no uncertain terms that my stay at that fine establishment was up. I headed downstairs, but treachery awaited me. I insist they were wet, but only three steps down a flight of twenty hard wooden stairs I took the slide. And oh dear god how it hurt.
I found out later that I was the entertainment of the bar that evening as a coworker told me an hour later he arrived only to hear of my glorious exploits. I went home, not dejected, just in pain, and in need of another drink. Luckily at home I had a frozen bottle of tequila which helped ice down my black eye (I told you the fall was bad) and with my withdrawl.
Week Two Highlight: Not as long, but good wholesome fun. It was Hurricane Isabel, or as I like to call it, Hurricane Bitch (I couldn't think of a derogatory name for a woman starting with I, sorry Sarah). Again loaded, I headed to Mad Bowl. A rugby field sunk in a pit. It was two feet deep in water. This allowed Miguel and I to wrestle with the fear of drowning, which was a first for me.
This pit is located near all the frats, who were a bunch of pussies who wouldn't play wrestling with us or put together a football game. However, they did create the most excellent slip and slide every. These two guys and Miguel and me rolled out this vinyl fabric down about a twenty foot slide pretty straight downhill (with the rain it was almost impossible to walk up it). And we just slide into a pond that is normally a field. It was awesome, but it did get better when slowly but surely every girl that walked by had less and less clothing on. I wish I could say I saw naked slip and slide, but alas not this time.
More tales next week ....
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