A PAST NEVER FORGOTTEN - 16/7/00 -- Poems for You and Me

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Date Posted: 05:46:56 08/28/01 Tue
Author: AngelInBound
Subject: A PAST NEVER FORGOTTEN - 16/7/00

A PAST NEVER FORGOTTEN

Shattered Glass covers the floor
invisible to the visitors eye
watch your step and keep the peace
it's unavoidable but please still try

The air is thick with tension
and the nights are close to hell
he yells and screams all night long
the mood he's in we just can't tell

I try so hard to keep away
and avoid his verbal blasts
hide in the darkness of my room
i fear the night could be our last.

He drinks himself into a stupa
the picking starts, it's boosts his pride
words can sometimes cut like glass
he's drunk again, where can i hide?

He enters in and speaks his mind
then exits but soon returns
yells one more painful phrase
best to stay quiet one quickly learns

You're wrong no matter what you say
he'll only yell at you some more
silence lets him boast his false beliefs
then he'll finish and shut your door

There's yelling in the lounge room now
a screech as he kicks the cat
his black eyes stare such hatred
his curses reach as low as fat

Fear is with me every moment
always wanted to run away
suicide often crossed my mind
12 long years of living this way

mum's jaw was damaged once
there was punch holes in my sisters door
called the police a few times
but now outsider ever saw

In front of another person
he gave the impression he cared
but once the visitors left the house
that's when his temper flared

He destroyed the love i possessed
killed the soul i had inside
part of me is destroyed foreva
all in attempt to boost his pride

Was scared to have a snack to eat
for he'd curse 'ur not eating again'
the bedroom was where i stayed
safety was felt so there i remain

One night he drank to the latest hour
came down the hall and opened my door
his eyes bloodshot and swaying as he stood
by the end of the nite he past out on my floor

That night was one i try to forget
for he entered my room at least twice
came in and spoke crap on his mind
i spose at the start he tried to be nice

His mood changed when i asked him to leave
he exited my room as he openly swore
but the peace was only short lived
for he returned again once more

He came and sat on the edge of my bed
then slowly began to move his hand
he began to slide it under the covers
the reason why i couldn't understand

I asked was he right & could he pls stop
he just stared & moved his hand under my sheet
I told him to stop and please get out
he yelled some abuse then swayed to his feet

He left but quickly returned
enterend in and began to shout
stumbled to the foot of my bed
and on the floor he past out

Woke mum to come and get him
it was the last night i lived there
spoke bout it to my sister
that's when i realised she did care

She told mum what had happened
picked me up from school that day
took me home and I packed my stuff
back at her place she said it'll be ok

my mum confronted her boyfriend
he reaconed i threatened him with a knife
then admitted he lied, said he couldn't remember
however i'll remember it for the rest of my life

He went away a few weeks later
mum found a letter the bank had wrote
apparently the mortgage hadn't been paid for years
and repossession was the final vote

we had a month to sell the house
the real estate made it priority to sell
within two weeks the contract was signed
and at last we escaped that hell

although the memories still lingered
the feelings i always had to hide
stayed deep within my heart
with the pain unreleased my thoughts wemt to suicide

when i was 18 years of age
i met my first true love
i loved him more than life itself
but he just wasn't strong enough

my feelings, thoughts and strange ways
drove away his love for me
after 7 months of trying his best
he finally said he wanted to be free

I was devastated when his love ended
tried everything i could to get him back
he lost his love and respect for me
and a month later my future was black

my life was turned inside out
one night i placed a knife to my wrist
my heart and soul were no longer alive
and still to this day it's his love i miss

my past will stay with me foreva
hatred is the only word to describe
the feelings towards my mum's ex boyfriend
the beating heart i once had has died

four yours on, the effects are still present
my mind continuously flicks to the past
emotions are clouded my painful thoughts
left an imprint that will always last

scared wrist are a endless reminder
anti-depressants keep me from death
for the last twenty years of my life
a scarred heart and memories are all i have left.

By Kellie Austin

16/7/00

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