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Date Posted: 22:16:36 09/14/01 Fri
Author: sara
Subject: 2day

i kinda feel pathetic;actually being so far away from a place i hated so much adn wanting nuthing more than to go back. its not just that. i dunno what it is. i just feel likei dont belong. its a horrible thing to feel like you dont belong anywhere. i feel like im invisible. no one cares, i dont care. i dunno. what significant impact have i made on anybody? nuthing they cant forget. things will fade in time, as will i. im sick of these songs hurting me like they do. why cant i be numb? like everyone else. its a stupid reality i cant live. i want the music to swallow me whole so maybe i can understand it just a little more, or maybe feel like something else understands me. something other than this pen and paper. then maybe i can be filled with something other than this deep seated lonliness that ive been holding onto for too long. im now scared to realize my dream cuz maybe if i do itll end up like this, like everything else. nuthing. so no, i wont do it. i cant taste the best part of me and find out its bitter. cuz if i do, there will be nuthing after it. just silence and darkness.

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