Date Posted:14:53:00 03/02/01 Fri Author: Flying Colors Subject: Re: Elouise In reply to:
Toby Abbot
's message, "Elouise" on 19:11:32 03/01/01 Thu
As I read this, I couldn't help but notice the style you used... I also wrote something, once, in such a style. While yours was of a past, mine was of a future...
Let me ask ya this... did you find this piece easier to write, in some way, than others? I ask because when I wrote mine, it left me strangely puzzled... and I think I'm still looking for answers.
Anyway, back to THIS piece... something else I noticed was your "and's, but's, as's..." but only because I do the same thing... so I have a suggestion (if I may?). For instance, (in no particular order)
"And now enwreathed..." (remove the And)
"And wandered into..." (remove the And)
"As we walked and talked..." (remove the As)
"And her sapphire eyes..." (swap And for As)
I thoroughly enjoyed this... please don't get me wrong! It captivated and held me entranced throughout!
