Re: Willy Wonka remake NEW CAST List -Part II- -- Rhinotainment

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Date Posted: 02:34:59 08/20/04 Fri
Author: Sonny Swayze
Subject: Re: Willy Wonka remake NEW CAST List -Part II-
In reply to: Sonny Swayze 's message, "Re: Willy Wonka remake NEW CAST List" on 11:15:45 02/28/04 Sat

MOVIE STORYLINE
-----------------

The new, rewritten story is a bit of a departure from Roald Dahl's
original, beloved classic. This version is more suited for a 21st century
audience. While the basic premise is still the same, the original storyline
has been slightly altered, as well as most of the characters. It will not be
a musical. Maybe one short song sung by Stewart. Possibly while he's in the
process of killing an Oompa Loompa. It would be a creepy song. A contemporary
one that would seem totally inapropriate. He also might have several, short
dance scenes.

The direction would be heavily influenced by the following films:
"Goodfellas"
"Natural Born Killers"
"Clockwork Orange"
"One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest"
"Silence Of The Lambs"
"Pulp Fiction"
"Pink Floyd's The Wall"

The whole idea of the mysterious chocolate factory announcing a golden ticket
contest is still the same. Except instead of golden tickets, it's golden
colored pieces of chocolate, shaped like turds. You buy a turd shaped Wonka
chocolate bar, and if it's gold in color, you get to go to the factory.
Just like in the original story, it causes wide spread panic and a huge buying
frenzy takes place. People are even taking their own turds and spray painting
them gold in hopes winning. Various scenes of such panic and obsession are
shown at the beginning of the film. Just like in the original version.

Charlie is forbidden from eating chocolate by his mother. She thinks it looks
too much like feces. In fact if Charlie even mentions chocolate, he's made to
eat feces. In fact he's made to do it in public and in front of his friends.
You'd think this wouldn't be allowed to go on and that Charlie would be taken
away. But since he's a mongoloid, no one cares. In fact this is why Charlie is
being beaten for the first 10 minutes of the film. He was caught eating feces
without permission.

Like the original, Charlie's family is dirt poor. Except Charlie's uncle is
the only means of support for everyone in the household. He does this by
selling out the bed ridden elderly for sex. Since they can't get up, it's easy.
But because they're old, he can't get very much money for them. Charlie isn't
allowed to watch this take place. He is made to stand in the corner while Uncle
Joe conducts business. Charlie's mother stands by and whacks Charlie's hands
anytime he starts to masturbate. This scene is portrayed following the beating
sequence, which is mostly drawn out during the opening credits.

(The previous scenes take place the night before)

The next morning, while Charlie's family is passed out drunk, Charlie steals what
little money there is and sneaks out to go buy candy at the store. The candy store
owner is a cameo appearance played by Drew Carey. He recognizes Charlie as the boy
who eats feces and attempts to crack a few jokes. The jokes are corny in usual
Carey fashion but manage to insult and demoralize Charlie just the same. Carey also
encourages other store patrons to insult Charlie which starts to enrage him.
Charlie then has a flip-out session by disrobing and then trashing the place.
The police arrive and Charlie fights with them. Things get real ugly and Charlie
is hit with a taser gun. While he's rithing on the floor in excrutiating pain and in his
own fecal matter as well as urine, the police continue to lay into him with batons.
All the while Carey is video taping the scene while laughing and craking lame,
insulting jokes. This scene is meant to be sad and gut wrenching. Making you feel
sorry for Charlie. Carey points out to the police and tries to warn them of the
human waste that covers the floor. It only enrages the police more.

Charlie is hog-tied and carried away by police. As this happens, Carey approaches
and slips a Wonka chocolate turd into Charlie's pocket. Then tells him to take care.
Charlie is unconcious though and is oblivious of Carey.

Charlie is taken home in which he is tied to his bed by his mother. After the police
leave, Charlie's mother ridicules him and threatens him with all kinds of
hideous means of torture. But Charlie remains unusaly calm and just stares at her.
The only threat she ends up making good on is pouring boiling water on his crotch.
And of course, making him eat more feces for dinner. Even though Uncle Joe is shown
laughing while this is taking place, you can tell he's already plotting to some how
rescue Charlie.

At this time, Charlie feels something in his pocket and has Uncle Joe remove it.
Upon inspection he discovers it's a Wonka chocolate turd. He opens it and realizes it's
the last golden turd. He then tells Charlie that if he's allowed to accompany him to the
factory, he'll help him end this nightmare. Since Uncle Joe could've just taken the
turd anyways, it shows possible alterier motives and future plans for Charlie.

Later that night, Uncle Joe sneaks in to Charlie's room and unties him. The old people
are dead asleep and Charlie's mother is passed out from alcohol and prescription meds.
It shows Charlie staring at her in the dimily lit room. Soon, all you can hear is
Uncle Joe whispering "do it, do it...", over and over. Suddenly, Charlie hurles himself
on top of his mother and starts to strangle her. Her loud gasps waken everyone. It doesn't
take long for her to die. As the helpless and horrified old people shriek in terror,
Charlie starts to douse them with lighter fluid. They beg for their lives as Charlie is
handed a lighter from Uncle Joe. Charlie strikes the lighter and holds the flame above
the old people. He stares at them with a gleeful look as they beg for him not to do it.
One of them starts convulsing as he begins to have a heart attack. Charlie now looks
confused and almost gives the impression of sympathy and regret. Uncle Joe rushes forward
and yanks Charlie's hand down upon the bed.

A woosh of flames towers toward the ceiling as the old people ignite in a huge orange
fireball. Not yet succumbed to the fire, the old people shriek and yell in agony as
Charlie just looks at them. You can see the flames flickering reflection in his eyes.
Then in a spontaneous flurry of demoralized recourse, Charlie starts to masturbate. His
gaze fixated on his flamable rampage. In the background you can hear Uncle Joe satisfying
his sexual urge with Charlie's dead Mother. Miraculously, the single room house doesn't
burn to the ground. After the flames die down, Charlie raids his mother's medicine cabinet.
He takes a different variety of pills and steps outside into the darkness to wait for their
effect.

What happens next is a kind of trippy, acid-like dream sequence. Possible animation.
Wierd and strange animals, flying chocolate turds, his mother, etc. Similar to the animation
sequence at the end of the movie "The Wall." Charlie is found the next morning by his
Uncle Joe. He's passed out nude in the middle of the street. He's wet and covered in ants.
Neighborhood kids are poking him with a stick and laughing. Uncle Joe chases them off and
takes Charlie back inside. They both get ready to go to the factory. As Uncle Joe examines
the golden turn upclose, he notices a note has been tied to it. He reads it and finds out
it's from the candy store owner. It says that if this chocolate bar is one of the winning
turds, bring me back any of Wonka's recipes and I will pay you a buttload of money for it.
Uncle Joe, obviously excited, puts the note in his pocket and says nothing of it to Charlie.

They both leave for the factory. But before they do, Uncle Joe robs the next door neighbor
for beer money.

On the way there, Uncle Joe stops at a local bar and gets ripped. Charlie is made to wait
outside. While Charlie is waiting, two street thugs try to mug Charlie for his golden turd.
A fight breaks out between Charlie and the thugs. This causes a comotion and a crowd gathers.
Uncle Joe notices the comotion and runs outside. Even though he's ripped he manages to take
away a knife that one of the thugs had pulled. Uncle Joe jabs the knife into the eye of one
of the attackers, causing them to flee. As the crowd cheers, Uncle Joe puts the knife into
Charlie's pocket and they both sneak away before the police could arrive.

Not far away from the scene, the two both pause in an alleyway while Uncle Joe vomits. Charlie
then produces a bottle of perscription meds he had swiped from home. They each take a couple.
Though neither of them know exactly what they are. Charlie, who doesn't care in the first place,
had mixed about a dozen or so different types into one bottle. The effect appears mild, though
their eyes are visibly and extremely dialated.

They arrive at the factory precisely at the time when it's about to open. A huge crowd is
present. The other four winners are also there.

Four Other Golden Turd Contest Winners:
---------------------------------------

Augustus Gloop: A fat, over-eating kid just like in the original movie. Also like the original,
he's from Germany. Except this time he's a staunch, neo-Nazi skinhead. Complete with red suspend-
ers and Doc Marten's. He is with his Mother, whom he curses at and threatens. She's obviously
afraid of him and exerts no discipline whatsoever. He uses racial slurs throught his appearences
in the film. He openly admits his homophobia and calls everyone a fag. This will cause immediate
strife between him and Wonka from the beginning. And it shows. He takes great pride in stomping
on the oompa loompas or anybody else, as long as they're smaller than him. He does this when no
one is looking of course. Wonka finds out and makes plans to off him first. His Mother does step
forward to defend his actions periodically. Claims he's just excercising his freedom of speach.
Everytime she turns around, she threatens to sue somebody. His Mother is played by Rosie Odonell.

Mike Teevee: A high-strung, spoiled television addict like in original movie. Fed copious
amounts of Ritalin by his Mother. Though they seem to do little good. Instead of being a fan
of westerns, he watches too much MTV. He fancies himself a gangbanger and likes to pretend he's
black. He carries a fake gun and loves to point it at people who look at him. He often speaks in
gibberish and wears his mom's nylons on his head. He thinks prison is "cool yo!" He has no idea
who his father is. He calls his mother "bitch". He likes to use the word nigger and calls
everybody this. Whether they're black or not. He uses this word in every sentence, just like
Quentin Tarantino. Teevee and his mother live on welfare. Which pays for his high cell phone
bills. His Mother thinks his lifestyle is cool and doesn't mind being called a bitch. She calls
anyone who disagrees with her son's actions, a racist. She is played by Anna Nicole Smith.

Veruca Salt: A mean spirited, snobby and spoiled rich girl. Just like the original. Not much to
change from original character. Except that she's from Hollywood and her Father is a mega rich
producer. Basically a Paris Hilton type who likes to give head and video tape it. She hates the
poor and has open contempt for them. She makes fun of Charlie at every given opportunity and
calls him retard in front of others. Even though she's amongst the worse society has to offer,
everyone thinks she's cool and wants to be her friend. Gloop makes numerous anti-semetic remarks
to her and calls her a JAP to her face. Even though she considers him vile, she ends up giving
him head and they show it. Her Father is a cocaine addict who is shown using it throughout his
appearances. He makes nothing but anti-US remarks and blames the government for societys ills.
Even though he's filthy rich and they don't apply to him. He is played by Woody Harrelson.

Violet Beauregard: An immature know-it-all with annoying and tasteless, bad habits. Babied in
all aspects. Diagnosed with minor Turret's syndrome. Not unlike original character and with only
a few differences. She is overweight but thinks she's hot looking. Wears skimpy outfits exposing
her gut. Visiable tatoos are everywhere. Her face is plagued by nasty and infected piercings.
She brags about sleeping with men twice her age and talks about wanting a kid. Though her Father
makes her get abortions. The gum chewing addiction is present and hasn't been altered. Teret's
syndrome kicks in fairly often. Causing loud bursts of cursing and vulgar language at very
inappropriate times. The oompa loompas become quite fond of her. She wishes to take them back to
her trailor park that her Father owns. She is caught several times sneaking off and having sex
with them. She seduces Charlie and convinces him to give her a child. Her Father is shown
interjecting on many occasions and slaps Charlie around. His character is a violent drunk and a
womanizer. He is portrayed by Samuel L. Jackson

(Back to entering the factory)

Everyone is standing out front behind a big gate, awaiting appearance of Wonka. Just like in
original movie, no one has seen him before. Precisely at noon, (or whatever time it was)
the doors open.

Wonka's appearance is slightly different than that of Gene Wilder. Costume is quite similar
to the original one. Except it's mostly made of black leather and purple, crushed velvet. Main
features of costume are a large top hat and ass-less chaps. He is also decked out with a vast
amount of expensive but gawdy jewelry. One of which is a big gold pot leaf around his neck.
He still carries the cane, which has a sword hidden inside it. Though this is not revealed
until later on.

Patrick Stewart's character, Wonka, doesn't walk out of the doors like a mean old cripple.
Instead, very loud rap music starts blasting from huge speakers nearby. A pair of tall doors
swing open, Wonka emerges backwards. He's bent over exposing his ass-less chaps. He's shaking
his rear end to the beat of the music. There is an upclose shot of this. The crowd goes crazy
and rushes the gate. He dances backwards like this for about 10 feet. All the while shaking
his exposed ass cheeks.

(The name and artist of the rap song used is "Ain't no fun" by Snoop Dogg
It contains the lyrics; "...mother fuckin' nuts in your mouth")

Next, two of Wonka's oompa loompas run out to either side of him. Each one simultaniously
smacks an ass cheek and Wonka straitens up, then turns around. The music ceases at this very
moment and Wonka raises his arms and yells to the now silent crowd; "Whadup my bitches and ho's!"
The crowd, once again, goes crazy and cheers loudly. He strolls the rest of the way up to the
gate. People are reaching through trying to touch him. He snaps his fingers and large security
guards appear and start pushing and throwing people back. Some guards have riding crop type
whips and use them on the fans. As some guards are being particularly brutal with them, Wonka
looks pleased and turned on.
He then motions for one guard to bring forward just the contest winners. The gate is opened
slightly and Wonka begins to collect the golden turds.

First in line is Gloop. Wonka looks at him and says "My, aren't we a plump one, your shaved
head reminds me of a nicely shorn scrotum!" Gloop hands Wonka the golden turd and simply replies
"Get outta my way faggot, I'm only here for the free shit."
Wonka then replies "And shit you shall have..."

Second is Salt, who has just cut in front of Beauregard. She's half-assed paying attention and
is talking on her cell phone. She barley even notices Wonka who's trying to greet her. She
simply shoves the golden turd in his face as she attempts to move past him. Wonka yanks the
cell phone from her ear and smacks her on the head with it. She yells "Hey!" and then screams
for Daddy. Before her Father can say anything, security ushers him forward past Wonka and
Veruca. Wonka bends down toward her and utters "I'm your Daddy now", licks his lips and gives
her a wink. As they're being led away, Salt's Father looks back. Wonka blows him a kiss.

Third is Teevee. In a hyperactive mood because of the rap music, Teevee approaches Wonka and
greets him in an excited tone, "Whadup Nigga!" Wonka is overjoyed by his enthusiasm. He replies
"Whadup my little cracker!" Teevee is somewhat put off by this but is too stupid to understand
he's being made fun of. Wonka gives a disgusted look as Teevee's Mother walks in. She tries to
talk to him but he just ignores her and moves on to the next winner. She appears insulted but
as she tries to speak to Wonka again, security ushers her forward.

Fourth is beauregard. Wonka is instantly and equally disgusted by her as well. But he tries to
hide it as she enters. She insists on giving him a hug in which he is obviously put off by. He
takes her golden turd and tries his best to ignore her by greeting her father. But she gets in
his face and insists she show him her latest piercing. Which is her tongue. It's swolen red and
quite vile looking. He winces and says to her "I've got new piercing as well, remind me to show
it to you later." While chewing her gum like a cow, she she simply smiles at him. He now looks
regretful of ever making that claim. Her father tries to engage in coversation with Wonka and
asks questions such as how much is this place worth and if he needs a partner. Wonka simply says
"I'm always looking for new partners." Then pats him on the ass as he's ushered forward. Her
father's eyes get real huge and he looks scared and confused. Wonka blows him a kiss as well.

Finaly, it's Charlie's turn. At this point he appears rather clueless as to what's actually
going on. He's still feeling the effects of the pills he's just taken. Uncle Joe pushes him
foward through the gate. Wonka looks at him and utters "Good God..." Wonka then peers around
and asks if this is the actual winner. Hoping it might be someone else. Uncle Joe produces the
golden turd. Wonka, who still looks a little aprehensive, tells Uncle Joe that he's not sure
if he has the proper facilities to accomodate his kind. Uncle Joe tells Wonka not to worry
about it and asks him if any of the guards have stun guns. Wonka remembers that they do and
now looks relieved. Wonka bends down and tries to greet Charlie, who simply stares back with
a blank look. Wonka can see his eyes are dialated and asks Uncle Joe if he's OK. Then, Wonka
is instantly drawn back with a horrid look on his face and asks "Jesus, what is that smell?"
Uncle Joe apologizes and tell Wonka that Charlie sometimes craps in his pants when he's nervous.
Wonka then tells Uncle Joe he understands and claims that he does it as well, time to time.
Uncle Joe's introduces himself and tells Wonka that Charlie's parents are dead and he's now
taking care of him. Wonka's face brightens up and lets out an optimistic "Hmmm..." Before
they're ushered foward, Wonka stops Charlie one more time and asks him if he'd like to spank
his bottom for good luck. Wonka turns around and bends over. Instead of spanking, Charlie all
of a sudden looks bewildered and instead punches Wonka's ass quite hard. Wonka instantly
becomes excited and gives Charlie an admiring look of approval.

They're ushered forward to the others. Wonka, now looking completely satisfied, glares
admiringly at Charlie. You can tell Wonka's already making plans in his head as to the outcome
of the near furture. Charlie, still somewhat oblivious to his surroundings, stares up at
the large, towering factory. The others are keeping their distance from him due to the stench.
As he stands there alone, still high on prescription meds, he begins to masturbate. Even
though Uncle Joe quickly stops him, Wonka had already caught a glimpse.

Wonka, now almost unable to curb his enthusiasm, moves to the head of the group of winners.
He stands larger than life in front on the huge doors, commands everyones attention and recites
these lines in a deep and almost Shakespearean manner (Typical Stewart fashion):

"Yah, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear
no evil...mother fucker! (Psalm 23)

"Through me you pass into the city of woe:
Through me you pass into eternal pain:
Through me among the people lost for aye.
Justice the founder of my fabric moved:
To rear me was the task of power divine,
Supremest wisdom, and primeval love.
Before me things create were none, save things
Eternal, and eternal I shall endure...

...All hope abandon, ye who enter here, mother fucker!" (Dante-The Divine Comedy)

Dead silence follows, the group of winners simply stare at Wonka with confused and disturbed
looks. The silence is broken only by Mike Teevee who shouts out "Right on mother fucker!"
Wonka tips his hat in his direction, moves aside and motions for everyone to enter through the
doors. He pays special attention to Charlie as he walks past.

Wonka, last to enter, slowly closes both doors simultaneously while looking outside and quietly
chuckling to himself.

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