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Date Posted: 13:41:07 03/23/03 Sun
Author: Mrs. G.
Subject: Re: Lesson4: Becoming the Bard
In reply to: Cynthia Luois 's message, "Lesson4: Becoming the Bard" on 14:04:08 03/22/03 Sat

Wow! I can see how much you've personalized it, and your own inner struggle really comes through here (you may need to explain some of your unique heritage to peers who aren't familiar with your background). I appreciate you putting your heart on the line here. I like this as a start, but now I want you to play with it. Here's your rhyme scheme

A
B
A
B
C
D
C
D
E
F
E
F
G
G

The last word of line 1 rhymes with line 3 and so on. Now, iambic pentameter we can work with:

she SOBS for HER loved ONES aCROSS the SEA

Perfect!!! 5 stresses, and the pattern is right (unstress-stress, unstress-stress, etc.). Some of your lines need some padding to make them work:

i AM torn Apart BY both SIDES

may work better as

i'm TORN in TWO beTWEEN the BATtle LINES

Make sense? Now edit! ;-) All great poets do.

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