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Date Posted: 22:29:28 12/12/02 Thu
Author: 十月
Subject: Re: 小重山
In reply to: 文津 's message, "小重山" on 19:08:15 12/12/02 Thu

余以為上片一句鬥批哀死別此句別扭不順,另玉人曾盪已深秋,緊接紅旗亂一句,明顯詞意已斷。寫詞化句本無不妥,然紅旗亂此句於此處則用得不合。上片斷了,下片承不了,全詞待煉之句頗多,然全詞4個3字句,惟夢韆鞦不俗。詞句跟詩句雖大有不同處,然譜詞之句亦須凝煉,勸君仔細於詞中煉句上,共勉之。

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  • 修改 -- 文津, 01:26:42 12/13/02 Fri
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