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Date Posted: 20:15:27 12/13/02 Fri
Author: 社長
Subject: 好!!
In reply to: 文津 's message, "繫裙腰" on 19:30:20 12/13/02 Fri

好!! 下片尤有平民生活之樸美,而且處理得很淡雅。
唯在下以為「勤操笛管是鄰家,」如易為「勤操笛管是誰家?」,似乎更堪玩味,下接憑望似更流暢,不知詞長以為然否?
「彩蝶」也似太色彩斑斕,與全詩的清淡柔和不大協調,詞長或可參用「粉蝶」一詞,或更能隱藏舞蝶與籠鳥間絲絲留存的匠斧痕。

等了三個月,以為今期未有刊登大作之幸。
忽見佳作,敢問詞長敝刊可有約稿之幸?
再者,請恕在下孤漏寡聞,
未悉繫裙腰一譜,
詞長可否貼出該譜及其出處? :)

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  • 覆社長 -- 文津, 23:19:39 12/13/02 Fri
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