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] Date Posted:02:43:03 10/23/07 Tue
I just wanted to post because I feel that every single person that posts stories is christian or religious and I am not. I just wanted other women like myself to have a story or just... anything to relate to. I'm 21 years old and I had my abortion in May, I was 6 weeks along. Honestly, I've never wanted a child and neither did my boyfriend of the time but once I found out I was pregnant, it was like everything was different for me. I wanted to keep the baby and my boyfriend didn't understand what had changed my mind. I had to go alone because he was ashamed of what happened. I still feel so angry at myself because while a part of me feels it was the best thing to do, part of me still feels like I just got the abortion because he wanted me to. That anger has ruined our friendship and we no longer speak. I have nightmares about me drowning my baby and they're almost more than I can take. I think of the "what if's" everyday and it just doesn't feel like it's getting any easier.
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Thank you for posting. It is important that you voice your feelings and experience. I really appreciate the courage it took for you to do that.
I want to encourage you to keep working on the emotions you are going through. It's really critical that you find healing in the loss of the friendship you speak of and the loss of the baby.
There are other message boards you should surf around on:
Please allow yourself to grieve, as that will be the road to recovery. I think our society sends a message that we are to be "stoic" in tough times, when sometimes that's really not the answer.
Keep close to friends and family and find the support you need to heal.
I am very glad you came. You can probably reach a point where you can accept your experience, but in my experience, complete healing doesn't occur outside of knowledge of Jesus' forgiveness for your acts. That's why some counseling is very, very important, and Kris gave you some excellent advice.
I understand completely about your nightmares. I had that experience myself. Horrible, horrible nightmares. I don't have them anymore. My emotional and spiritual healing is complete. Just know that emotional and spiritual healing IS possible. Find a program in your area where you can go and get counseling and friendship. We love you, so come and post any time you need to talk.
