| Subject: I feel like I'm dying |
Author:
Christina
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Date Posted: 01:50:52 03/07/08 Fri
I'm in love and I have never,ever been happier in my life.I have known my boyfriend of 3 months for 20 years.On February 1st I found out I was pregnant.Wow what to do huh?So we talk and decided we aren't ready that we are still so new and we are trying to merge our present children in our family together first.I have 2 and he has 1.He does not believe in abortion BUT he will support my decision.As the days go by we talk and I go back and forth and suddenly twins sound good to him.Oh yeah? Well I schedule my abortion at a time when he can't go,I don't want to expose him to that.I'm ready,on the table and they do the sonogram and guess what 7 1/2 wks with TWINS!I still go ahead with it against my better judgement.When it's over I'm wondering how inflicting that kind of pain on your body can actually be legal.It's over and I call him and I tell him and he just breaks down from the pain in my voice,then I tell him about the fact there were 2 babies and this grown man is crying like me!But it's over right?NO guilt kicks in and I am feeling so sorry for myself.Twins I could have given him that,did i really just tempt fate by aborting 2?,will I be able to have more? and why does it hurt so bad?See that was my 6th abortion, and what I want to know is WHY? Why now do I have so much pain /guilt from this time and not the others,Why was it twins this time,just WHY! He believes there is a reason for everything well can someone tell me what was the reason for this? I am so angry all the time and I spend alot of time taking it out on him,which he takes but for how long?He says he's there to talk to and if I decide I want to talk to someone he'd be there for that too but I don't want to keep harping on him about it.He really doesn't understand and he really does seem to be in pain just not quite the same as mine.I've even thought about going to church and hey I didn't even do that on 9/11 so this has to be big,but I was raised catholic and that's all I know and everyone knows how they feel about abortion.I've overcome alot in my life from drug addiction,abusive boyfreinds,life just not working out,but this is relly breaking me down.It's been exactly 2 wks today and I go for my follow up tomorrow maybe htye will have some advice but for some reason I seriously doubht it.I guess what it boils down to is I thought this was what I wanted and now I'm not so sure and it's too late to fix it.
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Re: I feel like I'm dying