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Subject: Need some advice please Author: Brittney [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 00:00:00 10/01/04 Fri So here's the deal....i'm going to explain the whole story so that I can get some good advice. 2001 - Met a guy named Joe, we hooked up. Stopped talking for a year. 2002 - Saw him again, hung out a few times, and stopped talking for a year again. 2003 - February - One day he called me out of the blue, and we started hanging out. We weren't officially a couple, but we "acted" like it, if ya know what i mean. March - I got pregnant. I didn't know this until the beginning of May. April - I told a friend that I was concerned i was pregnant, and her bf was my man's best friend. He told Mark, this kid I went to school with, who was also a good friend of my man's. Mark came up to me at school, and asked me, and I said no (i didn't want Joe to find out through someone else.) Suddenly, me and Joe stopped talking. May - Took a test. Found out for real that I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do about telling Joe, because if he knew he'd want to talk to my parents and help out, and also if my parents knew, they would call the cops on him. I had to tell my parents. They didn't take it very well.....my options were to either have an abortion, or they would get Joe hauled into jail because he was 20 and I was 17 when I got pregnant. In order to protect him from all that, I did what my parents wanted. No one else knew that I had the abortion. 2004 - February - Somehow, Joe gets ahold of me. We start hanging out again, and he finally asks me to be his girlfriend. We've been happily dating for 7 months now, but it is tearing me up inside keeping that from him. It breaks my heart when I think about this whole ordeal. What I need to know is would it be wise to tell him about this now? Or would it just hurt our relationship? I don't know if I should just leave the past in the past, forgive and forget...or what?!?! I don't want to hurt him, I'm so worried that telling him will put a huge wall between us. And I'm worried if I don't tell him, it will just eat at my conscience. We are about to get an apartment soon..and I want to start it out on the right foot. Any thoughts?? Thanks. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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[> Subject: Re: Need some advice please Author: Vickie [Edit] Date Posted: 15:40:45 10/01/04 Fri Some advice, first of all I would suggest you NOT to move in with this guy. You are just asking for problems and of course moving in together you will be sleeping together i assume, so then you will have to worry about getting pregnant. As far as being honest with him, YES! if he gets upset and never wants to talk to you, that may happen, but you can be at ease he knows the truth. If you start this relationship over and keep everthing from him? what kind of relationship would it be? Lets turn the table, if this were him and he had a secret, he didn't tell you and down the line you found out? How would you feel? Would you then trust him? probably not! So if you don't tell him, he will eventually somehow find out, then he will ask why you were not honest with him. Then do you think he will trust you? probably not! You said you don't know whether to leave the past in the past, well since this past also encludes him and his child then you won't be leaving anything in the past, you will be living it everyday that you look at him. The past isn't the past with him until you come clean with him. I hope I have helped in some way.. honesty is the best policy to start any relationship on.. a person can never feel guilty for being honest.. If you ever want to talk just send me an email or post here.. Vickie

[> Subject: I also went through something like you :) Author: Jessica [Edit] Date Posted: 22:03:58 10/02/04 Sat Hi my name is Jessica and I had something like your story happen to me. I was 15 years old and I had just met a guy whom I thought that was my true love. I thought that he was the one. I felt like if he was the one who cared about me and would also be their for me. I got pregnant after a month that I had met him. We were cool with each other for a while until when his friend had raped me when i was doing drugs. I had done crystal that day for the first time in my life when suddenly i felt his friend touch me and i screamed but their was nobody around. After it happened i cried and left when my boyfriend came home i told him about what had happened and he was upset got in a fight with the guy and then told me to leave. At that time i didn't have anywhere to go because i had just ran away from home so i left but just went to go walk around when i saw by boyfriend he called me and said sorry i forgave him until later my aunt found me and took me with her i told her i was pregnant but really i wasn't. I still left with her and three weeks later she bought a pregnancy test from a store and it came out positive. Before i told my boyfriend he had asked me how i would feel if i was pregnant i told him that i would be happy but i really didn't want to be pregnant. then when i found out i was pregnant i told him and he said yes i wanted you to be pregnant so i went to go live with him and then that is when it all started we started to fight he choked me and told me to leave of course i didn;t because i loved him so he kept hitting me through out my whole pregnancy and when i had the baby he kept hitting me that is when i told him that it wasn't happening anymore and then i callled the police when he left, The police came and took pictures of the bruises and scratches. They came later that night around 11:00 and took him. i cried because i felt so bad that he was leaving. i kept crying even though i knew what i had done was the right thing. My baby was two months old when his dad last saw him. The next day the police came and told me that i had to go with her and my baby somewhere else and if i didn't go with her that she was going to take my baby away i cried because i was leaving that house and i was never going to see my freedom again. I left with them because i wanted my baby with me and they took me to a program called DOOR OF HOPE. i have been in this program for 6 months my baby is now 8 1/2 months old and every night i cry myself to sleep knowing that i lost my freedom because of something i didn't stop and didn't try to help. they tooke my babies custody away and will not give it back to me until i turn 18 years old. i just turned 17 in august 8. I feel bad for how my life is and how my baby is growing in this program. i feel so bad that my baby is growing living hear. But hey the point is is that my mom gave me a chance to abort at the month but i didn't because i thought of how i would feel if i found out my mom was going to abort me. But i had a chance to go back and live with my mom go to school and the navy i didn't because i knew i was going to feel love with my baby the love that i didn't have at home. I feel bad and sorry for what you did and hey don't worry that baby still love's you the same. i know i would. thank you for letting me share my feelings with you. i had to tell someone about this because it was inside killing me. WEll i hope that i hear about you soon. because i have a little bit more to tell you about me. oh and about the program i am in it is better than i thought i would be. it is a great program. It is the door to hope.