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Subject: Re: Someone Help Me Cope With This Pain Author: Christina [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 22:11:38 12/08/04 Wed In reply to: Amber 's message, "Someone Help Me Cope With This Pain" on 12:41:25 11/24/04 Wed Amber, I lost my child through a forced abortion 3 years ago when I was 22. I've read many stories online about recovering from abortion and have researched abortion until the wee hours of the morning-all the things I should have done before I made the appointment that day. The one thing about your story that got me was- "I write apologies to my child on my stomach in pen. When I wake up in the morning I am covered in ink because I keep my hands over my stomach. I guess I dream about being pregnant. " I used to take a black marker and write things on my stomach and I later progressed to the walls of my bedroom. "I'm sorry and "i am nothing but an empty space where she once stirred" covered my walls and my stomach. I then started cutting myself and burning myself, but only on my stomach. I hated that part of my body and even now 3 years later I still pull out the marker and write messages for my child. The pain doesn't go away it just lessens with time. people will tell you to forgive yourself and move on but you can never really move on. You will be fine for a while and then you will hear or smell something that will bring you back to that day and you'll be back at square one. I find myself on the floor of my bathroom smoking and drinking with the door locked listening to music trying to get control of myself so that i can open the door and pretend like everything is OK. people don't want to hear about how you are devastated about killing your child unless they have done it themselves. my advise to you is to go here - http://thesiclecell.blogspot.com/ Christina [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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[> Subject: Re: Someone Help Me Cope With This Pain Author: Scott [Edit] Date Posted: 17:31:39 12/14/04 Tue It breaks my heart to read of the pain you are going through. When I was 19 I got a girl, also 19, pregnant. We decided to have the abortion, and both of us have gone through the same sort of guilt you are. It is normal that you feel so bad. You do not and should not suffer through this alone. There are programs like Project Rachel and other resources like Silent No More with information on how you can heal. The only path for me and my girlfriend was to turn to God to heal. Speaking to a priest and admitting what we had done was a frightening and emotional experience, but it assured me that God loves me and forgives me for what I have done. The pain and regret will linger-- it has been 5 years now, but it will heal with time and with the hope of God's love. Please turn to God.