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Subject: It came back to haunt me Author: Susan [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 22:24:48 12/18/04 Sat My daughter would have been 2 this past August. I always said I would never have an abortion. I was also very Pro-Life. But then it happened. I found myself pregnant, 19 an pretty much alone. Oh yeah, I had my boyfriend, but he was very abusive. Said he hoped he would never have a daughter becuase he was afraid of what he would do if he did. See he is a pedifiler, he left me for a 15 year old when he was 22, and when he was 23 had sex with a 13 year old. My parents played a big part too. They told me I was blackening the family name and I was an embarrassment and leading a sinful life. They pushed and pushed for the abortion. A couple days later, I was just so overwhelmed that I decided to look into it, only to quiet them. But one thing led to another and one appointment led to the other. I was in a daze, a walking zombie. I did not think I would even go through with it even that day. I kept wanting to scream, no no no. Don't do it. But no words came out of my mouth. After the first appointment with the dialators, I prayed harder than I ever had in my life, just for something to happen and the abortion not to work. Bad thing was, immediately after the dialators were put in I went into labor. I was so sick that day but still kept praying and hoping and praying and begging for forgiveness. I remember every part of it except the delivery. I remember going the next day and being sick and my water breaking and everything else. Then October of 2003 I found out I was pregnant again. I was so scared but knew I could not go through with it. In May of 2004 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. While I was pregnant, I kept thinking that maybe after the baby was born it would help me hurt less about the daughter I lost. Boy was I wrong. About a week ago the abortion again hit me like a ton of bricks in my head and heart. The only other two times that I ever felt this down was when I had the abortion and when the due date came around. I am now at my witts end and don't know what to do anymore. I feel like dying and crying and feel like a murderer. I am turning to sites like this for help because I can't burrow up the strength to talk to anyone about it in person. I feel like everyone will judge me and condemn me. These feelings aren't unfounded. I have tried to talk to people and they just say I deserve to feel this way. I killed a human being they say murdered a living soul. So I am turning to people who know and understand how I feel. Please do not judge me or turn your backs on me like others do. Please respond and help me to understand how to get through this. I am begging you and I dont beg. Please Please Please. Thank you for your time. AngelBaby [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: It came back to haunt me Author: Diane Cheryl [Edit] Date Posted: 00:30:01 12/20/04 Mon Susan, please email me so we can talk more. There is hope and healing for you. Hope to hear from you soon. Diane Cheryl CHERYL51@aol.com

[> [> Subject: There is hope Author: Jen [Edit] Date Posted: 09:35:55 01/08/05 Sat Susan, You are not alone! There are so many women who feel the same way, but they all suffer in silence because they are afraid of telling others that they've had an abortion. I'm very pro-life, but I know that I have no right to judge you. I hate abortion because of what it does to women as well as the children. I believe that women deserve to be treated with respect and love whether they carry a wanted or unwanted (although there is no such thing, some one always wants to adopt a baby)child. Instead we walk into clinics with dollar signs hanging over our heads. Many post-abortive (women who've had abortions) then believe that they have to be pro-choice because they've had an abortion and that pro-lifers will condemn them. However, the pro-lifers are the ones who are trying to inform society that abortion hurts women along with kids, while the pro-choicers are trying to silence the facts. It's very complicated. But for the sake of your daughter... because your emotional state will rub off on her, look into attending a post-abortive retreat or counseling session. Many are free of charge. You could even call your local "Crisis Pregnancy Center". These people are not hateful...don't be afraid, they truely care! Ask them where to go for any post-abortive counseling. They will help you. I'm not sure if you believe in God, but if you do (I do), He loves you, no matter what you do. If you are sorry, He forgives you. Trust in Him and He will heal you. www.silentnomoreawareness.org Has a list of some awesome after-abortion resources and is for post-abortive women put together by post-abortive women. I'm actually putting together a Silent No More gathering at my University in Detroit, MI. Peace, Jen 313 928-4523 call me if you need to talk.