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Subject: Still Struggling


Author:
Hope
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Date Posted: 13:27:15 03/03/05 Thu
 I don't really know where to start. I mean it feels like it was a dream somtimes just a bad dream. Then I wake myself up and realize no Hope you really did kill your baby. It wasn't a bad dream it was a real life nightmare.
I nearly destroyed myself and everything around me. I hurt so many people.
I was 16, and so scared. I didn't realize then what I do now. I didn't have to be alone.
I struggle so much every day not to let this tear me apart. It's been three years. WIll it ever stop killing me inside?
I remember wishing it would all just go away. Then I threw it away and now I would give anything to have it back. I've been through so much with this whole ordeal. I just get so damn tired of hurting. The worst part about it is no one even knows I hurt still. That makes me feel even more alone.
The guy I was with at the time had been my boyfriend for a year. I got pregnant and for whatever reason I had an abortion. I'm not going to make excuses because I know it wouldn't make any of this better.
My boyfriend (now ex)dealt with it so much better. I would hurt and cry and beg him to just help me live with myself but he said i was just being stupid. About 6mo. after we broke up he called me and realized what I had been going through because he was going through the same thing at that moment.

We broke up because he became violent and abusive. Now I know that would not have been a good environment for a baby. I just wish thing could have been different. I miss my baby so much.
does this pain heal, or just weaken? It doesn't hurt as much as it did three years ago. I'm stronger now. I just kind of need someone to talk to when I get low. BecauseI feel so alone at times. Like I have no one to share in my grief.
Thanks for letting me get some of it off my chest.
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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Still Struggling


Author:
Kris
[Edit]
Date Posted: 16:19:46 03/03/05 Thu
Dear Hope,

I am sorry for the emotional pain you are going through. Please visit this website for a starting point to healing:

http://www.safehavenministries.com/

There also centers that offer post-abortion counseling for free - you can look one up in your area, call and ask them about those classes:

http://www.pregnancycenters.org/locate.html

You need to realize you are grieving - and it's important to grieve your loss. I hope you will start that journey to healing - you can do some things to help that pain.

Kris

[> Subject: Re: Still Struggling


Author:
Pat
[Edit]
Date Posted: 20:07:21 03/03/05 Thu
Hope,

Some women do heal emotionally and spiritually from their abortions. They do this by asking for God's forgiveness, and then if they need to, they go to someone who can help them work through it.

I don't know where you stand on religion, but I am going to tell you about something that I hope will help.

In the Bible, we are told the story of the Apostle Paul. You may remember that originally Paul (when he was called Saul) went around murdering Christians. What did God do about it? He not only forgave Saul, but He called him to be an apostle! And if God is willing to forgive Saul, He is willing to forgive you.

Forgiving yourself is hard. But it can be done.

I pray that God will reach out and touch your heart in a special way, and help you to be reconciled to Him and yourself.

Please visit this web site:

Survivors of Abortion

Pay special attention to the last link on the left: Father's Love Letter. It is meant for you.

Hugs,

Pat
[> Subject: Re: Still Struggling


Author:
courtney
[Edit]
Date Posted: 21:37:11 03/10/05 Thu
I Have just recently had my first experience with abortion about 6 days ago... needless to say it hasnt taken years to catch up to me! I am 17 years old and living on my own for about a year now, I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. when I got found out I was pregnant I was so scared I didnt know what I was supposed to do I felt scared and alone when I told my boyfriend he was so supportive he said that it was a blessing and we could do it that he would work his ass off to take care of us! I was still scared, and the next day would recomend abortion that it was just a medical procedure like open heart surgery! I went back and fourth trying to make a decision buit I knew I didnt have much time, so I decided to do THE SMART thing.. I had the abortion!! when I walked into the room I thought to myself "walk out" and I dont know why I didnt listen! in the waiting room there were so many girls most of them acted like they didnt care what they had just gone through with, but I did!! and I wanted it back!! I want it back I want to go back in time and change it!! I want my baby! I cant believe that I did that to my own flesh and blood to something so precious! I hate we woke up and his feelings had changed, he said that abortion would be the smart thing and that I should think about it, well I already had thought about it and it was an option! I called my dad and asked for his opinion he of course said i should do what i felt but that he myself for it and I dont know how I am EVER going to get over this!! PLEASE HELP!!!
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