Subject:  Re: I think I need help, I cannot bare the guilt anymore |
Author:
Elizabeth
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Date Posted: 01:32:14 04/21/05 Thu
In reply to:
Erika
's message, "I think I need help, I cannot bare the guilt anymore" on 02:46:41 04/15/05 Fri
Dear sister, I have prayed for you since I read your message.
Kris gave you very good advice - please listen to her and go where you will find forgiveness.
As you have found out, it doesn't help to hear "It's not your fault," "It was for the best," etc. There is no mercy in these platitudes - they only make you feel worse.
No, you are certainly not the worst person in the world. You ache for God's forgiveness and you are concerned about the current welfare of your child - do you think the worst person in the world would feel either of these things?
You are not even a bad person, much less the worst person in the world. What you've written says that you are a good person, confused and hurting, who has made a bad choice.
And you are suffering. God doesn't want you to be tortured and your child doesn't want you to be tortured either. God knows your heart better than you do, but you can't hear him speak to you if you are punishing yourself.
This experience is a turning point for you, as Kris already noted. Ask God to use it to bring you closer to him and enable you to receive his mercy - and it will be done.
There is no action that is unforgiveable except the one for which forgiveness is not asked.
You have shared your story - and already God has used your anguish to speak to the hearts of women and tell them that abortion isn't "nothing," that it hurts women, that it puts up a barrier to God and to peace of mind.
Somewhere, sometime, a woman will hear your pain and decide to give a hasty decision a little more time. Perhaps enough time that they can see that they are not without choice, as it appears that they are.
Another woman will read your message and see that other women have walked in her shoes and she will not be alone.
And another woman will read and remember a similar torment, perhaps from even many years ago, and in reminding you of God's forgiveness and mercy, find yet more of it for herself.
You are already a blessing to many. If God can use your tears and cries and your voice to heal and bless, how can you doubt that he will heal and bless you?
You have blessed me more than you can imagine. Peace be upon you. I will continue to pray for you.
Elizabeth
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