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Subject: Ashamed...too many abortions. Author: Marie [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 18:21:53 10/13/06 Fri I do not see any recent messages posted, so I hope that this gets a response. I recently had my third abortion. The first was when I was 19, and although the choice was difficult and made me feel very sad, I feel as though I made the right choice. I spent the next five years with the father of that child trying to make it up to him. He always told me how horrible, immoral, and selfish I was for not keeping it. He did not want me to do it, but in the end he supported my decision. Well...I guess not because he always brought it up when he was angry with me. It wasn't until he started verbally lashing out (calling me "abortion queen") that I decided to leave him. At this time (age 24) I was pregnant again! I had been on the pill for years, but got a kidney infection, took antibiotics, and was careless and didn't use a back-up method. I couldn't face going through this with him again, so I immediately had a medical abortion (I was 5 weeks) and I never told him. I moved away and started a new life: attended graduate school, reconnected with old, special friends. Two years ago, almost a year after I broke up with the ex, I met a wonderful man. We immediately connected and have a positive relationship. We have discussed our future...marriage...children, but have agreed that now is definitely not the time. When I became pregnant in May of this year, I freaked out and was too afraid to tell him. I don't know why I didn't have the courage to tell him. I was afraid he'd be mad or resent me. Although, deep down I think he would have welcomed a child. We are both old enough with stable jobs and lives. I rushed a medical abortion, and looked at it as a quick fix, but I don't know what I was trying to fix. I feel like I am too afraid to go through with a pregnancy and that I really don't deserve to have a child for what I've done in the past. Worst of all, I'm constantly feeling insecure and guilty and ashamed of myself. I think he would be devastated to find out what I did, without even seeking his support, but I know that he deserves to know. I feel like such a liar. And I love this man and he wants to marry me, but I've already betrayed him. Should I tell him what I've done? About my past? It's so confusing and painful because until now, I haven't been honest with myself about everything I've done. And it physically hurts. And even though its mid-october, I feel like I had the abortion yesterday. Any advice? [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Please email me Author: Diane Cheryl [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10:37:57 10/15/06 Sun Thanks for your post. I want to tell you that there are other women going through the same as you. You are not alone! I know that probably doesn't make it much better. I would love to send you a post abortion healing packet. Please just email me privately and tell me your confidential mailing address. Also check out this website. http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org Don't do anything about telling him or whatever until I can think about it some more and advise you. Or maybe you will get another response soon that will be helpful. Hang in there and we will try to help! Diane Cheryl DCHERYL51@yahoo.com

[> [> Subject: Re: Please email me Author: Marie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 20:54:04 10/15/06 Sun Thanks for your response. I will definitely contact you. Already, I feel relieved that my story hasn't fallen on deaf ears.

[> [> Subject: Re: Ashamed...too many abortions. Author: Marie (Ready to start healing...) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 18:54:48 10/16/06 Mon Well, thank you for the advice. And I agree that I need to figure out how to tell him, not just for him but so that I don't feel guilty all of the time. Just thinking about telling him makes me so afraid, even though I know he'll accept it. I'm going to accept the post-abortion care package that Cheryl has so generously offered. And I think that I do need to talk to a professional about dealing with my guilt, which is now like anxiety. I'm not a very spiritual person so I'm apprehensive about many of the post-abortion services. Really, I'm just apprehensive about anything that might make me look deeper into myself :) Thanks for the websites... By the way, for anyone else who may read this: It took me sooo long to finally reach for help, and even though I'm alone in front of a computer, these interactions have given me a start. I'm grateful that this website was here for me, and that I don't feel judged.

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Ashamed...too many abortions. Author: Vee [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:27:47 10/31/06 Tue Hi Marie! I can relate to your feelings as well, as I have also had 3 abortions in the past...My first was when I was 15 and was not in a healthy relationship (lived with my boyfriends drunk family), then again when I was 16 with a different guy, and the last (and the one that hurt the most) was when I was around 24. The last was when my youngest child was only about a year old, and my husband and I decided not to keep it. Men can be really supportive when you give them a chance to be a part of everything. I have spent way too much time dwelling on what might have been with my pregnancies, and yes it is embarrassing to admit that i have been pregnant 5 times but only have 2 children, and never had a miscarriage...But, i have recently had a total hysterectomy (i am only 31) to try to help my endometriosis, and found out yesterday that i also had adenomyosis as well. Sometimes i think that God is punishing me for my TA's by giving me major health problems, but then i give my head a shake and try to get beyond my past and build a good life with my husband and children. I guess what took me so long to say LOL, is that there IS light at the end of the tunnel, and you may never be totally at peace with your choices (i am not, yet), but we still all have to move on with life! Take Care of you first and foremost, thats very important!!

[> [> [> [> Subject: to Vee Author: Diane Cheryl [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 21:32:36 11/04/06 Sat Hi Vee, I hope that I can help you in some way. Please email me and I can send you a post abortion healing packet. Let me hear from you soon. Sincerely, Diane Cheryl