| Subject: Gimli vs the Oscars |
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Gimli
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Date Posted: 23:07:17 02/11/03 Tue
Mr.Sarrell the duck quacked, and shook his glasses off. Gimli meanwhile was busy wiping the ginger blood stains from his shirt, that the Ron Weasley's had left behind.
The numerous Waitrose employees all wondered off back to the ruins that were Waitrose, as Evilgrinch, Gimli and Aragorn calmly strode away from the carnage, with Mr.Sarell the duck quacking nosisly, as Aragorn stuffed him head first into a bag.
Gimli: This may sound like a bit of a stupid question, but....what now?
Evilgrinch: Well, the police will probably be here soon. I suggest we take shelter somewhere, lets hide in A-block
Twenty minutes later, the trio were well-hidden inside the social-sciences office. Mr.Cope had wondered past at one point, but Evilgrinch promptly turned him into a duck as well....a fat duck that had joined Mr.Sarell in being stuffed into a bag.
They all sat in silence, as footsteps walked past the room. Was it the police? Was it the army? No...
It was Peter Jackson
Jackson: Oh, thank God...John, Viggo...I've found you...something terrible has happened!
Gimli: Who the hell are John and Viggo?
Jackson: It doesn't matter! Something terrible has happened! The Academy have screwed over me, Andy Serkis, Andrew Lesnie and even Howard Shore. We all deserved nominations, but....WE DIDN'T GET THEM!
Despite not knowing what the hell this shoeless kiwi was talking about, Gimli growled loudly.
Gimli: You mean...you didn't get nominations for director, supporting actor, cinematography and even....best score??
Jackson: I'm afraid not John. Also, rumour has it that Orlando Bloom has been murdered.
Aragorn, Evilgrinch and Gimli passed each other subtle glances.
Jackson: Will you join me in a bout of revenge?
Evilgrinch: Revenge is always good my bearded friend.
Jackson: Meet me in LA, next month.....
MARCH 23RD 2003
The 75th Academy Awards had just begun. Bruce Willis and Cameron Diaz were reading out the winner of Best-Supporting Actress, when a gunshot rang out across the theatre.
Peter Jackson ran in, spraying the celebrity crowd with bullets from his Ak-47. Ron Howard instantly had his head cut to pieces by the power of Jackson's weapon.
Jackson: Thats for stealing my award in 2002 you son of a bitch! The fonze was always better!!!
Ron Howard fell to the ground, finally he had been destroyed.
As Security guards ran towards Jackson, to subdue him...Gimli, Evilgrinch and Aragorn ran onto the stage, also packing some serious firearms.
In the crowd, Viggo Mortsensen turned to his friend John Rhys-Davies.
Viggo: Those lookalikes are pretty damn good John?
John: I've seen better...
Viggo: What like Pavarotti?
John: What did you say?
Viggo: Nothing!
Their conversation would have carried on longer, but Evilgrinch had begun shooting at the audience.
Evilgrinch: DIE YOU PRETENTIOUS SONS OF BITCHS!!! DIE JULIA ROBERTS BANG
Julia Roberts died
Evilgrinch: DIE STALLONE!
Stallone screamed, then died
Evilgrinch: DIE PETER JACKSON!!.....oh...wait, crap
It was too late. Evilgrinch had already pressed the trigger. Jackson had directed his last film.
Aragorn: What did you go and do that for you idiot! We were supposed to be getting revenge FOR him, not against him.
Evilgrinch: My mistake, accidents happen!
Aragorn: What do you mean!!!! How the hell do accidents just "happen", you just killed Peter Jackson! You're going down!
Gimli: Aragorn NOOOOOOOO!
Aragorn opened fire, and blew Evilgrinch into oblivion.
Gimli fell, tears streaming from his eyes, then he turned to face the sky...
Gimli: NOOOOOOO! PLEASE GOD NO (overacting) NOOOOOOOOOOO!
TO BE CONTINUED....
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