| Subject: battle of the five armies |
Author:
Gimli
| [ Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 22:44:31 03/05/03 Wed
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED AT THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES?
As Yoda finished his coffee, Mr.Sarrell the duck and Gimli sat laughing.
Suddenly, a strange portal opened up mysteriously in the ground and the trio found themselves being sucked into it. Seconds later, they flew out and slammed against a rock, crumpling to the ground. Gimli sat up, rubbing a wound on his head and brushing some beard out of his eyes.
He wasn't prepared for what he saw next though...a large army of Goblins and Wolves charging towards him carrying giant black and red banners, ready for war.
There was only one word left to describe the situation, and Gimli's feelings towards it...it was not a pleasant one.
Gimli: F**k.
Mr.Sarrell the duck and Yoda's both agreed with Gimli, also swearing loudly.
Gimli: What do we do now then?
Yoda drew his green lightsabre, a good choice of weaponry considering the seriously screwed situation they were in. Against this army though, Yoda was going to have to do A LOT of backflips in order to stay alive. At least 25.
The group were momentarily saved from possible death when the duck quacked in appreciation, as several hundred Elves, Men and Dwarves ran up to join them in the fight.
Gloin was amongst the army of dwarves, and pushed past the others, approaching Gimli.
Gloin: Son! What the hell are you doing here!
Gimli: Dad, this isn't really the time!
Gimli 'slipped' and axed Gloin in the head, causing his fathers bearded upper-half to amusingly bounce off down the side of the mountain. Bombur in particular found it funny, as he never really liked Gloin. Fili laughed so hard he urinated on Kili, much to the latter dwarfs annoyance.
No amount of hilarious deaths though would stop the iminent war.
Both sides charged down the mountain, and so the battle begun.
Yoda was in his prime, as always, lightsabering away having more fun then he had in years. Gimli stuck to his axe, occasionly taking down the odd Goblin.
Mr.Sarrell the duck was most pleased when Gandalf pointed his staff at one point and turned him into Mr.Sarrell the Bear. Beorn never showed up at the battle, it was Mr.Sarrell all along who eventually crushed Bolg the Goblin to death.
Gimli fought like a true dwarf, killing both bad guys and good guys. At one point he even accidentaly stabbed Thorin through the chest, but briefly apologised before running off to kill some more Goblins.
His turning point came though when he saw Gandalf fighting.
Gimli: I thought I killed that idiot in my second ever post. I flame-grilled him?
Gimli hit Bilbo on the head with a brick and stole the ring, placing it on his finger and turning into Invisible Gimli. He crept up behind Gandalf and swiped with his axe, failing to decapitate the wizard but succeeding in taking a large bloody chunk out of his arm.
Gandalf: ARRRRRRR...this explains the sling on my arm at the end of the battle.
Gimli: You know Gandalf, these fanfictions have gone really downhill. I have run out of ideas, until I think up some...consider me a dead man. I'm off to the desert.
Gimli jumped on a horse and rode into the distance.
TO BE CONTINUED....eventually?
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
] |
|
Feedback: 