| Subject: GIMLI'S WAITROSE ADVENTURE- CONTINUED |
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Gimli
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Date Posted: 19:18:26 02/08/03 Sat
David Camp
The only man in the universe who held a hatred as deep as Gimli's for Jan...the only person willing to commit a remorseless murder in order to free the world from Jan's grasp.
As soon as he arrived for his shift on the meat counter later that day, Gimli dragged him aside into the changing rooms and explained his plan.
David: Thats a fine idea Mr.Gimli, but I don't work alone, I have to be assured that regardless of how ficitonal you may be, you will help me dispose of the body.
Gimli: Fear not, when we've finished with Jan....there won't be much left.
1 MONTH LATER
The weapons were ready, the counter was clean...and the shop was about to close. Gimli stood, his eyes shifting from side-to-side, carefully making sure that everything was going to plan.
Meanwhile, David was carefuly walking towards Jan. She was facing away from him, washing dishes in the cafeteria....David walked slowly towards her, a knife held firmly in his hand...when suddenly....
THE TERMINATOR (ARNOLD SCWARZENNEGER) APPEARED FOR SOME STRANGE REASON....
It suddenly hit David, obviously Jan had some huge historic significance at some point in the future...so a terminator had been sent back through time to stop her murder.
The Terminator turned to Jan....who was sitting crying in the corner (:>)
Terminator: Come with me if you want to live...
He then turned to David, and threw him out a window...much to the young Waitrose employee's annoyance.
David landed in the carpark, and staggered back indoors bleeding heavily...and fell onto the meat counter.
David: Gimli...we are screwed.
Gimli: Why, what have you done? Is Jan dead...
The door that led into the loading bay, blew up...as the Terminator and Jan walked through and into the main shop. Customers screamed and ran as The Terminator opened fire with his mini-gun, blowing away most of the store (including the deli and fish counter :>)...Gimli pulled the badly injured Mr.Camp over the counter and underneath the metal panneling, as the rest of the counter got the living sh*t blown out of it....leaving nothing but a smoking wreck of a shop.
Then, to add to the crapness of this situation...Mr.Burn entered the scene, and stared in shock at the utter mess of his store.
Mr.Burn: What the hell is going on here! What have you done to my shop...DAVID CAMP AND GIMLI YOU ARE FIRED!
Terminator: (In bland, Austrian accent) Mr.Burn...you die now.
The Terminator opened fire again, causing dozens of bullets to rip through Mr.Burn. The (ex)-manager didn't even have time to write a will, as he fell to the ground leaking like a broken urinal.
This is the point where Gimli had enough, he drew his lightsabre and lept into the air, decapitating the Terminator and Jan simaltaneously with one quick swish of his blade.
David: Hey Gimli, you're pretty good with that thing, maybe you should audition for Star Wars 3?
Gimli: No time for that now, I must be leaving.
Gimli looked out the front of the shops broken windows, Aragorn and Evilgrinch were waiting for him....
Gimli: The police will be here soon, and I may lose my job if Reg finds out that I caused this mess.
David: Do not worry Gimli, you have been a great help to us waitrose-part timers...those of us still alive, will make sure you are not caught.
Gimli looked down at the bloodied bodies of Steve Morgan, Mark Glover and Rebecca Needes that littered the floor of the shop...
Gimli: Erm, well..there's not all that many of you left.
David: Thank God for that, maybe they'll put me on a good counter then...like that one with the cakes.
Gimli: Well, best of luck.
Gimli the Dwarf and David Camp shook hands, then Gimli ran off to join his Middle-Earth friends...to go on many more adventures...that I can't be bothered to write about now.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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