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Date Posted: 06:24:50 June 08 2003, Sunday
Author: Mike
Subject: Re: Albert, you're a jerk
In reply to: Maryna 's message, "Albert, you're a jerk" on 23:59:39 June 07 2003, Saturday

>Come on, play one measley RPG with the poor kid.
>What's the worst that could happen?
>
>P.S. I'm back. Now things will heat up, and not just
>between your legs!

Maryna, you don't seem to realize the history that exists regarding Ben and RPGs. The best one would have to be the six foot tall gnome with the pet boar. He was allowed to teach it one command. He chose "roll over". Not maul, not attack, not even gore or gouge. Roll over.

Another one was a gnome illusionist named "Buckwheat Zarkov", a pathological liar.

Then there was the character who bought, raised and named chickens, only to kill himself when said chickens were eaten by monsters.

Since then, it has been a general rule that Ben + RPGs = No!

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Replies:

[> [> Re: Albert, you're a jerk -- Albert, 06:48:59 June 08 2003, Sunday


>Maryna, you don't seem to realize the history that
>exists regarding Ben and RPGs.

Thank you Mike. Yes, this policy was not one I adopted out of spite or malice. It was adopted out of a lack of mental masochism.

Welcome back!


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[> [> [> Re: Albert, you're a jerk -- Factitious, 07:06:47 June 08 2003, Sunday

>
>>Maryna, you don't seem to realize the history that
>>exists regarding Ben and RPGs.
>
>Thank you Mike. Yes, this policy was not one I adopted
>out of spite or malice. It was adopted out of a lack
>of mental masochism.
>
>Welcome back!

I interpret that as welcoming back mental masochism. Which sounds like the perfect frame of mind in which to approach Hybrid.


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[> [> [> [> Re: Albert, you're a jerk -- Albert, 07:36:08 June 08 2003, Sunday


>I interpret that as welcoming back mental masochism.
>Which sounds like the perfect frame of mind in which
>to approach Hybrid.

Interpret it however you like, that doesn't make it true.


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[> [> Re: Albert, you're a jerk -- Factitious, 07:02:45 June 08 2003, Sunday

Mike's examples are somewhat flawed. My counterpoints:

>Maryna, you don't seem to realize the history that
>exists regarding Ben and RPGs. The best one would have
>to be the six foot tall gnome with the pet boar. He
>was allowed to teach it one command. He chose "roll
>over". Not maul, not attack, not even gore or gouge.
>Roll over.

That's because my character was not unrealistically sadistic. If you had a pet, would the first trick you caught it be goring? Do you sit by puppies shouting, "Gouge, Freki, gouge!"? I think not. Giving Freki attack-related tricks would have been useful for combat, true, but my character had no reason to expect, when training his boar, that he would soon be in any such combat. I consider it important not to use out-of-character information.

>Another one was a gnome illusionist named "Buckwheat
>Zarkov", a pathological liar.

I admit that the name was a bit whimsical. However, the "Chronic Liar" quirk was rolled legitimately. It was the result of random chance, not my planning. Once it was set, of course, Buckwheat lied to people frequently. That's a basic part of roleplaying, and if I had not done it, the GM would have docked me points.

>Then there was the character who bought, raised and
>named chickens, only to kill himself when said
>chickens were eaten by monsters.

That was in the context of a rather silly game all-around. As I recall, someone else played as a narcoleptic pixie with bronze dragon wings. Full-size bronze dragon wings, mind you. Strange characters were not out of place there.

>Since then, it has been a general rule that Ben + RPGs
>= No!


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[> [> [> Re: Albert, you're a jerk -- Maryna, 10:26:02 June 08 2003, Sunday

>>Maryna, you don't seem to realize the history that
>>exists regarding Ben and RPGs. The best one would have
>>to be the six foot tall gnome with the pet boar. He
>>was allowed to teach it one command. He chose "roll
>>over". Not maul, not attack, not even gore or gouge.
>>Roll over.
>
>That's because my character was not unrealistically
>sadistic. If you had a pet, would the first trick you
>caught it be goring? Do you sit by puppies shouting,
>"Gouge, Freki, gouge!"? I think not. Giving Freki
>attack-related tricks would have been useful for
>combat, true, but my character had no reason to
>expect, when training his boar, that he would soon be
>in any such combat. I consider it important not to
>use out-of-character information.

Uhh, whatever happened to toilet training? So you've got a dog who defecates on the floor and rolls around in it. Brilliant.


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[> [> [> [> Re: Albert is not a jerk -- Albert, 15:39:14 June 08 2003, Sunday

>Uhh, whatever happened to toilet training? So you've
>got a dog who defecates on the floor and rolls around
>in it. Brilliant.

A boar, Maryna. A boar.


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[> [> [> D&D and lontananza -- Fabrice, 19:00:35 June 08 2003, Sunday

Well, I'll give Ben the benefit of a doubt. The 2nd Edition game rules were not all that regulated at the time. So for one case, Freki and his gnomish owner with the overactive pituitary gland escaped any cosmic ramifications for their unique existences. That said, if I could take it all back when I uttered, "Sure, Ben, when I'm DM, I encourage customizing"...I would. Probably. The intrepid chicken herder was pretty damn enterprising, as well as entertaining. I remember the good old D&D days...there was an inspired bard who, despite his high charisma, always managed to put an off-beat spin on NPC encounters. But he had skill at gathering information. And spells and a longsword. Helped keep the keep safe in Goblin-Infested Lands (dun-dun-dunnn...). Then came 3rd edition and the Forgotten Realms, where folks learned that while a Bracelet of Friends may sound sappy, it's uncannily useful to summon your negative-energy-enhanced enemies to ambushes and high taskmaster archmages (the Great Fumar) to take your place as scapegoats in the event of an emergency. The latter didn't work, but we never saw Fumar again, anyway. Also, casting cure light wounds in the dark gives off light that may draw the attention of a number of ogres, and it's alright if one has trouble trusting mages that collect a few too many gems. Where in the World is Albert's PC-Suddenly-Turned-Evil-NPC? was edifying that way.


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[> [> [> [> Re: D&D and lontananza -- Maryna, 23:05:38 June 08 2003, Sunday

Albert, see thread title. YOU'RE A BOAR~!

Fabrice, no way. No way. What the hell is NPC? The rules state that, when Maryna starts a thread, Maryna should be able to understand every post in said thread. This post is stupifying. Therefore, in punishment, you must allow anyone associated with this website to either rape you or pinch you on the arm at the next encounter. They get to choose.


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[> [> [> [> [> D&D Lexicon -- Albert, 01:16:41 June 09 2003, Monday


> What the hell is NPC?
NPC stands for "Non-Player Character". Basically, anyone in the game world who is not controlled by the players is an NPC. Townspeople, random kings, monsters, etc.

>The
>rules state that, when Maryna starts a thread, Maryna
>should be able to understand every post in said
>thread.

What rules? Point me to an Officially accepted document.


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[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: D&D Lexicon (long) -- Factitious, 01:54:50 June 09 2003, Monday

>>The
>>rules state that, when Maryna starts a thread, Maryna
>>should be able to understand every post in said
>>thread.
>
>What rules? Point me to an Officially accepted
>document.

There is none, but here are a few excerpts from entries concerning the forum. It's not authoritative. I suppose I could write up a list of forum rules sometime, but I probably won't.

1-28-3

You will note that I now have a forum. This is because Alya requested that I add a comment system for my journal entries. After brief reflection, I realized that putting in a comment section for every entry would be difficult. So I just made a general forum. All posts have to be cleared by the moderator (me) before they are displayed, so to post you simply have to send me email. I may refuse to display some entries for various reasons of my own. Anything that seems too long will probably either be rejected or edited down. Posts in all capital letters will not be displayed. I'll tend to allow flamewars, though.

Please note that today's link is not directly related to my forum. I'm just pointing it out as an example of another message board with an email-based posting format, since Albert mocked my board-maintaining abilities.


2-2-3

The forum's been more active than I'd guessed. There are 9 posts now, only two of which are mine. If it gets up to a hundred posts, I'll probably look into getting a more automated one.


2-8-3

I've given in to the frequent demands of my fans, and changed the forum system. It's now a free automated forum courtesy of VoyForums, like the Triangle and Robert message board. The old posts have all been transferred over there; notify me if this poses any problems for you. By the way, VoyForums doesn't want anyone to post things that are "illegal, harassing, threatening, abusive, or obscene". So be nice.

2-9-3

Good news: The new forum is easy to use, has many features, and has already received as many new posts as the old forum ever did.

Bad news: Those new posts are almost all Mike and Albert arguing. Can some more people post? I'm getting the unpleasant impression that two of my friends comprise my site's entire demographic.


3-3-3

I think it may be time to rethink the forum situation. It was cool setting it up, and playing around with the settings a bit, but there's really no need for one on this site; and the posts so far have all been fairly aimless, reflecting that lack of purpose. What's more, my readership is low enough that there really isn't much content on the board. Should I just remove the forum? If you have an opinion on this, the forum is the place to express it. My decision will ultimately be based on whether this entry generates any interesting discussion there.


3-8-3

I've decided, on the basis of recent posts, that the forum will remain. There's some interesting stuff going on there, and I'm also too lazy to put in the effort required to change things.


4-24-3

The forum's archiving system has started to kick in. This is a sign that the activity there's picking up quite a bit, something that I see as great news. I like to build a sense of community in the people united by my site.


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[> [> [> [> Re: D&D and lontananza -- Albert, 01:20:45 June 09 2003, Monday

>Then came 3rd edition and the
>Forgotten Realms, where folks learned that while a
>Bracelet of Friends may sound sappy, it's uncannily
>useful to summon your negative-energy-enhanced enemies
>to ambushes

And don't forget poetry composition by dice-rolling. ("I compose a poem... *rolls dice* I succeed!">

>it's alright if
>one has trouble trusting mages that collect a few too
>many gems. Where in the World is Albert's
>PC-Suddenly-Turned-Evil-NPC? was edifying that way.

I was actually quite proud of that piece of dramatic DMing. Too bad it only really works once on any given group of player characters. Use it once, and you get respect as a devious game master. Use it twice, and you get labeled as pissy, and your players never trust you ever again.

I don't speak from experience on that last bit, but I'd guess so, anyway.


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