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Date Posted: 00:55:13 March 28 2003, Friday
Author: Mike
Subject: Proper Welcome

Since we have no protocol for welcoming new people into this forum, I'll just make a bunch of shit up.

I hereby extend a warm, Factitious welcome to Maryna, who has graced this forum with her fiery (at least, so far) presence, thus negating Ben's fears of forum stagnation (due in no small part to the fact that 90% of the posts were made by me, Albert, or him).

May she continue to make our lives more interesting.

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Replies:

[> Re: Proper Welcome -- Maryna, 12:03:21 March 28 2003, Friday

Thank you, Mike. And for that, I'll tell you a little story. Once, on an evening such as this, I accidentally fell through the Earth. On the other side, I grabbed a handgun and set off through the muck in order to avenge Alisa. She had been such a pretty girl. When I killed my first man, I cut into his chest with a shard of mirror and wrapped the heart in a paper towel. After years of wandering, I finally reached Alisa's memorial. The heart, with a dash of salt, was buried in the Earth in place of her body. The paper towel, with a dash of pepper, I ate.


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[> [> Re: Proper Welcome -- Mike, 18:35:36 March 28 2003, Friday

That reminds me of someone else who, in the livejournal community, in known as "merovingian". Possibly also Ted. Here's a story of his.

"I was sitting at my computer when a rabbit jumped through the window. She was dressed in a top hat, a very fine vest, and pantaloons, all in a grey tweed. She wore spectacles as well, and wing-tipped shoes.

I chose to disregard her, because I was really into my video game, until she drew a tiny silver pistol and put it to my head.

"Tell me a business plan," she said.

I stared blankly in a cold panic for a moment, until I was possessed by a venture-capitalist aspect of Oggun, which began to speak through my mouth.

"Free Books," my mouth said, "Open a storefront with a single-print book printer. Customers can come in and request any public domain book, and we'll print it up in a few minutes and give it to them. Since there's less need for inventory, and no premium on the book costs for licensing or distribution, we can charge significantly less than normal bookstores. For living authors, we can include an option to donate a dollar to the book's author. The place could also double as a no-frills vanity press; anyone who'd written a book could release it to the public domain at the store, and then any desired copies could be printed on the spot. Furthermore, colleges could use it to print readers. The most popular book in the U.S. is a public domain book, you know. It's effectly just in time, there's no distribution expenses except for raw materials, and all the advantages of browsing could be accomplished electronically with terminals at location. You'd get the student market, the information freedom market, the custom printer market, and the vanity market, and it's an idea that will scale and be able to compete in the future. If it's in a high-tech college, how could it lose?"

The rabbit stood up straight and replied, with a bit of smugness, "The first typewriters had the keys in alphabetical order, and the inventor found that people were typing too quickly, causing the keys to stick. So the next version had keys in the worst possible locations, to slow down typing. This became the standard for typewriters, and, later, for keyboards. The model that's designed to be as difficult to use as possible. And you know what? It will never change. One hundred and fifty years from now, keyboards will have the same layout."

Then she melted into water."


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[> [> [> Re: Proper Welcome(maryna answer this) -- Eric, 22:34:57 March 30 2003, Sunday

Wow Maryna your short story was weird, make me almost seem normal...by they way who are you? where do you live? and why are you on my brothers forum?


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[> [> [> [> Re: Proper Welcome(maryna answer this) -- Maryna, 23:24:46 March 30 2003, Sunday

Awww, I wish my brother was protective of me... sniff

sniff sniff

Thank you for the compliment. You're friendlier than Albert. So's Mike. I could come up with a few reasons for this, but I'd rather not take up valuable forum space with unfounded assuptions about other people's anatomy. But I digress.

I'm a junior at Amherst. Factitious is a quasi-friend of a quasi-friend. Well, almost. Anyway, I like the forum so I figured I'd take up residence. If Factitious doesn't like me, he can IP block me. And then I'll get my h4x0r friends to tear the place up... but I have confidence that it won't come to that. I'm too good.


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[> [> [> [> [> Re: Proper Welcome(maryna answer this) -- Mike, 23:32:17 March 30 2003, Sunday

>Awww, I wish my brother was protective of me... sniff
>
>sniff sniff
>
>Thank you for the compliment. You're friendlier than
>Albert. So's Mike. I could come up with a few reasons
>for this, but I'd rather not take up valuable forum
>space with unfounded assuptions about other people's
>anatomy. But I digress.
>
>I'm a junior at Amherst. Factitious is a quasi-friend
>of a quasi-friend. Well, almost. Anyway, I like the
>forum so I figured I'd take up residence. If
>Factitious doesn't like me, he can IP block me. And
>then I'll get my h4x0r friends to tear the place up...
>but I have confidence that it won't come to that. I'm
>too good.

I've been good friends with Albert for many, many years. Therefore, I feel free to laugh my ass off at your innuendo regarding his anatomy. Which I am currently doing. I dislike writing ROTFLMAO or lol, so I'll just leave it at that.


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[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Proper Welcome(maryna answer this) -- Eric-fictition, 23:38:19 March 30 2003, Sunday

quasi-friends? whaaat? Do you like magic the card game? or at least know how to play it? And also, super man or batman? Dc comics or marvel comics? Ninja or knight?


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Proper Welcome(maryna answer this) -- Eric, 23:44:40 March 30 2003, Sunday

by the way whats your SN? mine is SmshnPumpkin


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Proper Welcome(maryna answer this) -- Maryna, 23:54:33 March 30 2003, Sunday

>quasi-friends? whaaat? Do you like magic the card
>game? or at least know how to play it? And also, super
>man or batman? Dc comics or marvel comics? Ninja or
>knight?

Uhh... no, kinda, batman, both are equally geeky, and ninjas are cooler b/c they have Real Ultimate Power. Peace.


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[> [> [> [> [> Re: Proper Welcome(maryna answer this) -- Albert, 04:02:27 March 31 2003, Monday

>Thank you for the compliment. You're friendlier than
>Albert. So's Mike. I could come up with a few reasons
>for this, but I'd rather not take up valuable forum
>space with unfounded assuptions about other people's
>anatomy. But I digress.

Not that I'm agreeing with whatever assumptions you're making, but if you feel you have some evidence for them, however circumstantial, then would they really be unfounded? Perhaps not well-founded, but at least slightly founded.

The actual reason for my initial acerbity is that I do not consider myself beholden to Ben, aka Factitious. I helped make him what he is today, and reserve the right to dissent. If you don't like it, tough. ;-)


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[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Proper Welcome(maryna answer this) -- Maryna, 14:14:19 March 31 2003, Monday

Hahahahaha

You're a tough piece of meat, Al my boy, I'm impressed. You seem to be a very cunning linguist. And I say that from the bottom of my, ahem, heart.


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