Hi thanks for getting my ep out in time! I shouldnt have doubted you guys! But can you... -- Season Eight Fanfic Discussion

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Date Posted: 00:05:43 05/19/03 Mon
Author: imisstara
Subject: Hi thanks for getting my ep out in time! I shouldnt have doubted you guys! But can you...

Can you make this episode here the one you post in the voy message board with all the other past episodes? Just a few revisions I wanted to make. Thanx!

---------

Buffy Episode 8.15 �Crisis�
By imisstara

Previously, on Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Dark Willow raises a demonic shrine
------
VOICE: There's my girl!

(Faith's lip trembles.)

FAITH: Boss?
----
(Giles and Faith shine their flashlights in the direction of the voice. They see a woman, walking towards them out of the shadows. As she gets nearer, they see her hair is writhing, moving. Her skin is scaly, and bears more than a passing resemblance to Medusa.)
----
FAITH: So The Hellmouth ate itself.

GILES: And now it's no more. No more Hellmouth.

KENNEDY: But isn't this a good thing? No more demons?
----
GILES: Of course. *under his breath* Willow.
----------

(Many police cars and fire trucks are parked at the school. The last flames are finally being put out, and all that is left is debris).

Police Officer 1: You don�t think they�d do it again, do you?

Police Officer 2: If they rebuild this school one more time, I�m just going to stop responding to the calls. I hear weird stuff goes down around this place. I don�t need some freaky kid ruining my record.

Police Officer 1: I wonder what it is about this place�

Police Office 2: Hell, it�s gone now, that�s all I care about.

(In the shadows across the street, a woman is watching the police officers wrap up the scene. As the camera gets closer, we see its Buffy. She quietly looks at what�s left of the school, and the Hellmouth. Buffy takes a moment)

{Cue Credits}

(Buffy walks into the Magic shop. Kennedy, Willow, Xander, Dawn, and Andrew are sitting around a large table. Giles is standing behind the counter, looking somewhat stressed)

Xander: Hey, Buff! How�s the school? Nice and charred?

Buffy: You bet! Kinda pretty actually, you know in a horrific apocalyptic kinda way.

Dawn: Well, now what am I supposed to do? I could just not go to school, you know. I�d be do totally cool with that!

Buffy: Yeah, you�re not getting off that easy. But don�t worry, you still get to be bussed to the school in the town next to us�whatever it�s called. It�ll be fun! Now you get to see how evil teenagers can be without the help of the Hellmouth.

Dawn: Joy.

(Buffy sits down at the table with the rest of the group) So, what did I miss?

Anya: I was saying I still think we should be drunk right about now.

Xander: Anya! Last time, no drinking!

Andrew: She does have a point.

Anya: See? The skinny virgin agrees. The Hellmouth is gone and we�re here reading? There should be sex and music and alcohol consumption until our bodies force us to expel mass amounts of fluids.

Dawn: Um�ew.

Kennedy: I�ll second that.

Willow: Anya, we�d all love to be�expelling fluids right now, but something big and scary came out of the Hellmouth. We need to find out what that was.

Kennedy: Yeah, and don�t forget the snakes. It had lots of snakes.

Anya: I still say there should at least be some sex. Spike and Faith get sex, why don�t we?

(Xander and Buffy both shoot looks at Anya)

Buffy: Spike and Faith are NOT having sex! They�re out scoping the demon bars to see if they can get any info. No sex involved. Not even a little.

Xander: Yeah, I�m sure she�s just riding him right now.

(Buffy glares at Xander, who immediately realizes his mistake)

Xander: Oh God no! I mean riding WITH him. With him. You know, on his motorcycle.

Andrew: (dreamy look in his face) Yeah�I�ve been there�

Anya: I still don�t get why they got to go riding each other while we�re here looking at words.

Kennedy: I think Faith had some tough times in the Hellmouth. I think she needed to get away for a little whiile.

Anya: Like my day could be considered a success? D�hoffrin gone� Me, making an epic decision about my fate�.

Andrew: (speaking over Anya) �I made cookies�

Anya: �and the horny vampire and equally horny slayer get to party?

Buffy: Okay, not partying�and back to researching now�cause, you know, books take away the mental images. Anything on snake demons? Or demons that use snakes as weapons?

Dawn: The usual stuff, nothing big enough that would qualify as a mega Hellmouth killer. I just hope it�s nothing like that big creepy crawly that Glory sent after me. Let�s hope this one isn�t as big�

Xander: Or slimy. That was a bitch cleaning up.

(Buffy looks over at Giles, who has seemed preoccupied throughout the entire conversation.

Buffy: What�s your take on this Giles?

Giles: It�s definitely a perplexing situation�I think we should continue to do research and see if Spike or Faith can come up with anything when they return.

Buffy: Are you okay Giles?

Willow: Yeah, ever since you�ve come back from the Hellmouth, you haven�t been your cute cuddly self.

Xander: Yeah now you�ve been all cold and indifferent, not anything like the normal Giles. Oh, wait..

Giles: The Hellmouth closing is a lot to take in, I suppose. Someone doesn�t just get over that so quickly.

Buffy: Sure you�re not feeling Firsty?

Andrew: Ooh, we can all jump on you again!

Giles: (dryly) Although that does sound like something I�d very much enjoy� (the phone rings, cutting Giles off. He picks it up)

Giles: Hello�yes thank you for getting back to me�yes I understand�

(Buffy, Willow, Xander and Dawn shoot each other suspicious looks.

Giles: Yes, I�ll be right there�Okay�goodbye. (Giles hangs up the phone). I need to leave.

(Giles picks up his coat and abruptly heads for the door).

Xander: Uh, care to fill us in?

Giles: Keep researching, alright? If I�m not back tonight, I�ll see you all in the morning.
(Giles leaves the Magic Box and closes the door behind him)

Andrew: Yeah�we definitely need to jump on him again.

(Commercials)

(Buffy�s house the next morning. Buffy and Dawn are having breakfast together)

Buffy: Still no word on Giles?

Dawn: (munching on some toast) Nope. Nothing on Faith or Spike either. Oh God�what if they are?

Buffy: I�m sure they just have to hide out somewhere because the sun came up before they could get back. They must be camped out in some cave�together�alone�in the dark�

Dawn: (seeing Buffy�s face) sleeping! They must be sleeping! With many feet between them! Yep! Good ol� sleep.

Buffy: I�m sure. So�you�re gonna help us research today? Everyone else is already at the Magic Shop by now and I was gonna head down in a bit. You know, avoid the new job hunt for as long as possible. I wonder how �Worked at Now Destroyed School� will look on my resume.

Dawn: Very impressive, I�d say.

Buffy: Let�s hope. (takes a bite of cereal) So, you�re in? You have some time off, too, before school starts up again.

Dawn: You know, it�s kinda sad this is considered a vacation. (suddenly Dawn�s voice gets more solemn)
Buffy, I was going to wait and see if you�d say anything but, did you forget? Um�today? I know�I know we have a lot going on but�

Buffy:�I know Dawn, I didn�t forget. I just, I dunno sometimes it�s easier not to think about it. But you�re right, we should. It�ll be good for us. Yeah, I�d love to do that. Definitely on for today. Nothing is gonna stop me�

(As if on cue, a demon covered in some sort of slime suddenly jumps through Buffy�s kitchen window)
Dawn: Do you mind?!

Buffy: Not another window�

Demon: Slayer�

Buffy: Can I help you? Got some toast if you�d like, it�s kinda cold, though�Maybe some oatmeal?

Demon: My master has sent me to eradicate you and your allies.

Buffy: Ooh, did you hear that, Dawnie? �Eradicate��we have a college educated puss demon on our hands!

Demon: It�s not puss, it�s mucus�

(The fight starts as Buffy jumps up and does a spin kick, knocking the demon back up against the wall. The demon lunges for Buffy, but she dodges his attack and jabs him in the side. The demon turns around and throws her over the table. Buffy gets up and grabs a pot from the stove.)

Buffy: Want some coffee? (She smashes the pot onto the demon�s head and the coffee scalds his face.)

Demon: Ahhh!! My eyes!!

Dawn: Guess not.

(The demon gets up and prepares to jump out the window in which he came through).

Demon: This isn�t over, Slayer!!

Buffy: We�ll do brunch?

(The demon jumps out the window).

Dawn: Well�that was�

Buffy: Surprisingly predictable?

Dawn: At least Xander can feel useful now.

Buffy: (Picks up the coffee pot from the floor). I liked this pot! And now it�s all�(wipes her hands) �mucus covered�

(Commercials)

(Buffy and Dawn walk into the Magic Box while Xander, Kennedy, Willow, Andrew and Anya are back researching)

Anya: (sarcastically) Yea! Just what we need! More people to help us read!

Andrew: I still liked your drinking idea�

Anya: If Giles doesn�t show up soon I�m stealing his bottle of gin.

Buffy: I take it still no sign of ye ol� cryptic one?

Giles: Right here, actually.

(Giles walks through the door to the Magic Box).

Willow: Giles! Where have you been all night?

Buffy: Whatever you�re about to say, it better not contain the words �band� or �candy�.

Giles: Oh, sorry all. I tried to follow up on a lead, but it didn�t exactly pan out the way I expected�

Kennedy: We were worried. The Hellmouth sure freaked out Faith. I was afraid the same happened to you.

Giles: Yes, well, all is fine as you can see. Good ol� Rupert better than ever.

Buffy: (looks at Giles a little strangely) Good to know. I�ve got bad news, guys.

Dawn: Our coffee pot is broken!

Xander: Damnit!! I loved that coffee!

Willow: We talking demon, or a casualty of Dawn�s stumbling late night quest for munchies?

Dawn: Hey! Sometimes I like to snack�

Buffy: Demon unfortunately. Xander, you�re on window duty. It�s in the kitchen.

Xander: Ooh! I haven�t fixed that one yet!

Giles: So, what did it want? Looking for a little peck at the Slayer?

Buffy: Uh, not exactly. It said its master sent it to teach us a lesson the old fashioned way.

Willow: Hmm�could this be our snakey big bad?

Buffy: That�s what I�m thinking.

Anya: Great, we have a lead! I�m getting the gin!

Giles: Ooh! I�ll join you.

Xander: Really? Isn�t it a little early, Giles?

Giles: Oh well, this is a special occasion. The bloody Hellmouth is up in smoke!

(Anya pours Giles a drink and hands it to him)

Giles: Cheers! (Gulps down the drink without hesitation and slams the glass on the table)

Giles: (looks at Dawn) Bet they didn�t teach you that in school.

Dawn: Uh yea, must have missed the �How to be a drunk 101� class. Stupid normal schedule. Oh well, school go boom now�

Willow: So�demon, big ugly. What do you think we should do?

Buffy: I�m not going to just wait here and let it come back to us. We need to go hunting.

Xander: I think Spike would have some twisted English comment right about now�

Kennedy: Should we go into research mode on this thing now?

Buffy: I don�t think it�s necessary. I�ve fought this thing before and it didn�t seem too overly special. I�m more concerned about catching it so maybe we could get some info on who it works for. It was kinda tough, so I�ll need your help. What do you think Giles?

Giles: (clearly not paying attention) Ooh, yes! Yes sounds like a plan! Or maybe not�hmm�(thinks about it for a moment). No, no that sounds good. Yes, proceed!

(Andrew pokes Giles in the stomach)

Andrew: Just making sure.

Giles: Oh yes�it�s you. Very funny....uh�.you�

Buffy: Yeah, so we should head out now, while we can still get a good trail on the demon.

Kennedy: I�ll suit up. (Goes to get weapons)

Willow: I�m guessing you have an idea?

Buffy: We�ll try to find its lair first, give it a little sneak attack. If that doesn�t work�(smiles) Then yeah, a teeny one.

(Kennedy comes back and hands an axe to Buffy)

Giles: I should stay here and research. You know how much I love researching. It would be a good idea for me to look in my private supply of books. Where would they be, again? I think that ten thousandth bump on my head might have left me a little shaken�

Dawn: Maybe it�s the gin.

Anya: Giles, was that a vain attempt at humor? It�s surprisingly attractive.

Giles: (Laughs heartily) Yes, that�s me. Barrel of laughs. If anyone needs me I�ll be checking the books over here�
(Giles walks away while the others gather towards the door)

Andrew: Um, okay is anyone else getting major weird vibes from Giles?

Willow: Yeah he is acting kinda�.

Dawn: Creepy�

Buffy: You head Giles last night. The Hellmouth is gone now.

Anya: So?

Xander: Ooh, I get it�

Andrew: What? I�m confused.

Xander: You know how sensitive Giles is about how his importance to the group. Hell, if we go on one mission without him he�s on the first plane back to England.

Anya: If he leaves I�m still keeping the store!

Dawn: You think he feels useless with the Hellmouth finally gone?

Buffy: No, maybe not useless� Giles knows better by now, especially with this new big bad. He�s just going through a transition.

Anya: Ooh yes! Like a crisis. A mid life crisis, right?

Xander: Kinda�

Anya: I saw it on the channel where the men always wear suits. It�s a disease old people get when they start to go bald.

Willow: Uh, I don�t think that�s exactly it..

Dawn: Ooh, is he gonna get a new car?

Anya: Maybe he�ll dye his hair. I can help him!

Buffy: I don�t know if he�d go that far, but maybe we shouldn�t leave him all alone right now. Andrew, why don�t you stay with him? Try to cheer him up?

Andrew: Can do!

Anya: (under her breath) I�m sure he�ll love that..

Buffy: Okay, let�s head out�

(Dawn stops Buffy and pulls her aside)

Dawn: Buffy�what about�?

(Buffy looks at the others and motions for them to give them some privacy. Andrew goes back to see Giles while Kennedy, Willow, Xander, and Anya fumble for an excuse to leave)

Xander: Uh�let�s go�uh�look at the grass..

Willow: Yes! Grass!

Anya: I don�t want to see grass!

(Xander pulls Anya and Willow leads Kennedy out the door)

Dawn: Buffy, you promised me.

Buffy: I know, Dawnie. But now we have a mucus-y assassin and I have to get him before he does any more damage.

Dawn: I don�t think that�s the reason at all. I think you�re scared.

Buffy: Scared? Dawnie, I�m not scared. I�m just so busy�

Dawn: Like last year? Or the year before that? You were busy last year, too. Buffy, it won�t be a sad thing if you don�t make it one. It can be happy, or well�

Buffy: You know, it�s not like it�s such a big crime to be busy when you�re a Slayer. I can�t always do everything I�d like to. That�s part of my job, you know that...

Dawn: You can lie to yourself all you want but you and I both know the real reason you don�t want to go�

(Cut to Xander, Kennedy, Willow and Anya standing uncomfortably outside)

Kennedy: I don�t get it, what�s going on?

Xander: (thinks for a moment, then realizes) Oh, of course! How could we be so�

Willow: (also realizes what�s going on) Oh, I feel terrible. Poor Dawn. Poor Buffy!

Anya: Why? What�s happening? Buffy isn�t dying again isn�t she? Because she can only do that so many times before it just gets repetitive�

Xander: An, think about what day it is. Three years ago�

Anya: Oh�

(Cut back to Buffy and Dawn)

Buffy: Dawn you have to know I�m not avoiding this! It�s just not�

Dawn: Fine. Go. Kill demons. I�m going alone.

Buffy: You can�t! It�s way too dangerous! We have an assassin demon after us. You�ll be the perfect target.

Dawn: I�m going and you can�t stop me. I�ll take a weapon or something. And plus, why would a demon look for me there out of all places?

Buffy: You never know, Dawn.

(Dawn glares at Buffy. She�s angry at first, yet there�s a vulnerability to her stare as Dawn struggles to fight back tears)

Buffy: Fine. We�ll drop you off there. And then�I�ll meet you when I�m done. Or you can call Andrew and he can pick you up. I�ll go tell him what�s going on.

Dawn: I might as well just tell Andrew to pick me up now cause there�s no way I�ll be seeing you there�

Buffy: I�ll go tell Andrew.

(Buffy walks away and Dawn sits quietly by herself)

(Commercials)

(The Magic Box, Giles is looking through stacks of books while Andrew walks up behind him)

Andrew: Looks like it�s just you and me, Giles! Have I mentioned lately how incredible useful you are?

Giles: What? Oh yes, thank you. I see to have misplaced the key for that cabinet over there, do you know where it might have gone?

(Andrew reaches behind the counter and takes a small key out)

Andrew: You�re also so youthful too. And masculine yet in a sensitive kind of way.

(Giles ignores Andrew and opens the cabinet, looking through the few books there.

Andrew: Ooh, those books are pretty powerful stuff, aren�t they? Just like you�yep�powerful�yet sensitive!

Giles: Hm� not here. There must be other books around here, for, you know�.research�.and, uh� good deeds and�.pretty pictures. Fight the Big bad and all that�

Andrew: You�re really out of it today, aren�t you? Well, don�t worry I�ll get you out of that funk! Sit down right here.

Giles: If I could just get the�

(Andrew grabs Giles� and and forces him to sit down)

Andrew: First we bond�

(Giles looks horrified)

(Cut to Buffy, Kennedy, Willow, Anya and Xander walking through a sewer)

Buffy: Hmm�we�ve been to all the usual demon hot spots and nothing. Not even one gross mucus assassin.

Anya: Yes, what a shame we haven�t come in contact with the mucus..

Willow: Do you feel you left things with Dawn alright?

Buffy: She has to understand that I�m busy. I can�t just leave and go anytime I want to, even if it is for�

Xander: Come on Buff, it�s us you�re talking to. Willow, Anya and I were all there�

Kennedy: I just sympathize�

Xander: We know how hard it was for you�

Buffy: Guys, can we focus on the demon? I think I see a mucus trail around here somewhere�

Anya: Hey did you notice how every time you decide to shut out your friends, something terrible always happens?

Willow: She might have a point, Buffy. As scary as that might sound�

Buffy: (Doesn�t respond to Willow) This isn�t working. I thought we could get the jump on him, maybe catch him when he�s asleep, but clearly he�s still on the surface looking for me.

Kennedy: What should we do now?

Buffy: We need to shift gears. It�s time to put my plan in action now.

(Cut back to Andrew and Giles in the Magic Box)

Andrew: �.and that�s how my love affair with the Pog started. You�d be surprised which famous characters come in pog form. My favorite is Alf.

Giles: (looks like he�s about to pass out) Insanely interesting�and to think of all the fun I�ve been missing..

Andrew: Okay, your turn to share!

Giles: Really if I could just get those books�.

Andrew: First you share! Come on, I heard you had a vaguely dark past, right? I know it�s not as dark as my tragic yet heroic story, but still you must have some interesting stories!

Giles: (smiles to himself) Ahh yes�Ripper. That�s what I used to be called in my youth.

Andrew: Not that you aren�t still an attractive and youthful young man..

Giles: I was quite the wild one, you know. You�d never suspect it now with these shirts and ties and stiff British demeanor. But there was a time I had a discernable personality.

Andrew: (puts his face in his hands and stares intently at Giles) Fascinating.

Giles: Yes, I really was something back then. I had ambitions and hopes and plans. All kinds of plans. And now, what do I have to show for myself? These books, which are irritatingly in no discernable order.

Andrew: You have plenty going for you, Giles! You have a house, and friends, and a car� and uh�well according to Anya you used to have an �orgasm friend� but I don�t think she�s been around for a while.

Giles: (chuckles) Yes that would certainly be out of character for me. Having a relationship would mean to make a lasting connection with someone who�s over the age of twenty. No, instead I just abandon the people I get close to. Let them rot�.

Andrew: I once had to try and stab a pig. It was tough.

(Cut to Buffy sitting alone on the grass in the park. She�s stretched out on the ground and talking on her cell phone)

Buffy: Yeah Willow, I think I need a little time to think about everything. I just stopped at my house and made myself some lunch, and now I�m gonna relax here for a while. Park looks pretty empty today so I don�t think I�ll have many people bothering me. Yeah, definitely�.okay bye!

(Buffy shuts off her cell and sits quietly on the ground, as if she were meditating. Suddenly, a spear flies from behind her, cutting her shoulder as it lands a few feet in front of her. Buffy jumps up and turns around)

Demon: Pathetic slayer! I waited until I could get you all alone in an open area without any weapons or� (the demon rubs his scalded eye) �appliances you could use to aid your fight.

Buffy: Ooh, little ol� me fell right into your trap! I�m such a stupid, stupid slayer. I had no idea you were waiting outside my house and following me here!

(The demon looks puzzled)

Buffy: Come on out, guys!

(Willow, Xander, Anya and Kennedy jump out of a nearby car, waiting for her cue)

Buffy: You know for a college educated demon, you�re really not that smart.

(Commercials)

(Return to Buffy, Willow, Xander, Anya, and Kennedy at the park. They all rush towards the demon and the fight begins. The demon grabs the spear from the ground and lunges for Anya. He slices her in the arm, and then is greeted by a kick from Kennedy)

Anya: Ow! The hurt! And also there�s mucus on my arm!

(The demon jumps up and throws Kennedy to the ground, but stays away from Xander. Xander runs to go tend to Kennedy, while Buffy does a jump kick and knocks the demon into a tree. She goes for a punch, but the demon ducks and she punches the tree instead. The demon seizes this opportunity and knocks Buffy to the ground, punching her repeatedly in the face)

Demon: Whhaa?? (Suddenly the demon floats into the air and onto the ground)

Willow: Bet you weren�t counting on that.

(Buffy jumps up and regains her composure)

Buffy: Gotta love that magic.

(The demon tries to run again but Willow psychically catches him in mid run and throws him back closer to Buffy)

Buffy: Hey, don�t leave yet! You promised brunch! (She does a flip kick that makes direct contact with the demon). I brought scones!

(Cut to Giles and Andrew, who are both on the floor in the Magic Box looking through a stack of books)

Andrew: See, I gave you the key eventually! And all you had to do was share. You know, I feel really close to you now, Giles.

Giles: Excellent. Now let�s never speak of this again (Giles continues to look through books from his secret collection)

Andrew: Will these books even help us find answers? They don�t look very helpful.

Giles: What do you know about this snake demon?

Andrew: About as much as you do. I mean, you were there when it all went down. I was engaged in an epic battle with some sugar cookies�

Giles: Yes, of course. I just wanted to make sure you understood all of it. It certainly is a lot to take in. I can be incomprehensive and pretentious sometimes�

Andrew: Never! (There is silence for a moment as Giles rummages through the books)

Andrew: So �. Are you having a mid life crisis?

(Back to the fight, Buffy is punching the demon in the chest, then kicks up and hits it in the jaw. He falls back, but does a sweep kick to knock Buffy to the ground. Buffy flips up, and lunges on the demon, holding him down on the ground)

Willow: Got him! (She holds the demon down with her powers)

Buffy: (dusts herself off) Alright, now with that unpleasantness over with, the business can begin. Who are you working for?

Demon: (tries to struggle free) I will never tell you! Trust me Slayer, you will know soon enough. Time is running out.

Buffy: (punches the demon hard on the face) Did I ASK for you to be cryptic? Kennedy?

Kennedy: I never heard cryptic.

Buffy: Nope (punches the demon again) Alright let�s try that one more time.

Demon: You can take my life, Slayer, but you will never control my mind. Neither will you, witch!

Willow: Oh, I don�t know about that. I might have a few tricks to make you talk.

Anya: Listen to her! She�ll filet you�like that! (snaps fingers)

Demon: I know all about your powers, witch, and what you�re capable of. If you only knew how helpful you�ve been�

Willow: What?

(The demon uses this moment of weakness from Willow to break free of her psychic grasp. He grabs Buffy and flips her around so now he�s on top of her. He tries to snap her neck, but before he can Kennedy puts an axe through his back. He falls to the ground, dead)

Buffy: Well, that was pointless.

Kennedy: (pulls the axe out of his back.) And now I have to wash my axe!

Xander: You think anyone saw?

Anya: Oh who cares, they should be used to it by now.

Kennedy: (Notices Willow looks visibly upset so she rubs her shoulders) Don�t listen to him, baby. He was just trying to freak you out. You know, regular demon scare tactics.

Willow: I know, but�that feeling I had the other day, what D�hoffrin said, and now this�I just feel like I�m connected somehow. And I don�t like it.

Kennedy: (kisses Willow softly on the lips) Don�t worry, will figure it out.

Xander: We�ll clean up here. You should go with Dawn, Buff.

Buffy: But�

Xander: Go see her. You can�t avoid it forever.

Buffy: (nods) you�re right�I�ll meet up with you guys later.

(Back to the Magic Box)

Giles: This is it! This is what I need! (picks up a book) Took long enough.

Andrew: Did you find out anything on Miss Evil Demon?

Giles: You could say that. There�s still so much I could do here, though�

Andrew: Yeah. But we should probably wrap things up for now. Dawn might be calling soon.

Giles: Oh yes, the young yet strangely sexy sister. Where is she?

Andrew: Buffy said Dawn was with her mom today. You know�

Giles: Oh yes, Joyce. The woman I snogged while high on band candy. Lovely time. How is the woman? Not around much, it seems.

Andrew: (Gives Giles a suspicious look). Uh, I�ll be right back. I gotta go in the store room for a sec.
(Andrew leaves and Giles sits smiling, looking through the book he found)

Giles: (mutters to himself) Perfect�yes�

(A few moments later, Andrew comes back in the room holding a wooden African statue)

Giles: What�s that?

Andrew: A weapon you non Giles you! I knew you were too young and sophisticated to be going through a mid life crisis!

Giles: You�re in a shop full of weapons and that�s what you pick?

Andrew: It�s a good weight for me.. But that�s not the point! Who are you!?

Giles: (smiles) What gave me away? Just for future notice.

Andrew: Well, there was the way you barely called any of us by name, thought that was strange. It�s Andrew, by the way. But the fact that Joyce has been dead for two years to this day kind of clinched it.

Giles: Damn! Ooh, poor woman. Hope it wasn�t too bad.

Andrew: Enough idle chatter! You face me, the Mighty Andrew, now! (Andrew swings the statue at Giles, but he catches it and easily pulls it from Andrew�s hand. He swings and hits Andrew in the head, knocking him out)

(Commercials)

(Dawn is sitting alone on a grave site, it�s her mother�s. New looking flowers rest on Joyce�s tomb. Just then, a hand touches Dawn�s shoulder. She turns around and sees Buffy standing in back of her)

Dawn: You came.

Buffy: I should have a long time ago.

Dawn: No, I shouldn�t have pushed you. I guess it�s just easier for some people. I don�t mind being here, it�s kind of nice actually. I feel close to her.

Buffy: I understand. (She sits down next to Dawn) I face death so much, every day. When this happened, when I found her like that�I don�t think I�m even close to getting over it.

Dawn: We can help each other. It�s been two years now, it�s gotta just get easier.

Buffy: (rests her head on Dawn�s shoulder) When did you get so strong?

Dawn: I think around the same time I started wearing leather pants.

(Andrew wakes up in a dark room. His arms and legs are tied up)
Andrew: Ah� captured�.but where am I? A demon�s mysterious layer? A cavernous hole in the center of the Earth?

Voice: We�re in a hotel bathroom, you bloody idiot.

Andrew: Ah! (Andrew is startled as he looks next to him and sees someone else tied up. When his eyes focus, he sees who the person is)

Andrew: Giles! You hit me and�tied yourself up?

Giles: Yes, that�s exactly what I did. I attacked myself, tied myself up in this hotel room, left me alone here for an entire night, then broke out, captured you, and came and tied myself back up again.

Andrew: It was just a theory�But if it wasn�t you, than who?

(The door opens to the bathroom and light pours in. A man looking exactly like Giles is standing in the doorway)

Fake Giles: All it took was a simple glamour spell to fool them, Ripper. And now I got exactly what I came for.

Andrew: Oh no, don�t tell me you�re the First�s corporeal and slightly nicer cousin.

Fake Giles: Not exactly�(the man recites an incantation and the glamour spell on his body wears off, revealing who the mystery person is)

Andrew: Oh�my�.god�.I have absolutely no idea who you are.

Giles: Save the theatrics Ethan and just get bloody on with it.

Ethan Rayne: Oh Ripper, is that the way to talk to your old friend? (He walks over and kicks Giles in the ribs)

Giles: We stopped being friends around the time you became homicidal, Ethan.

Andrew: Still�have no idea�

Ethan: Yes, that�s right. There�s no way we could be friends. Friends wouldn�t let other friends rot in a military cell for years. Friends wouldn�t let friends let their life pass by in dark, squalid conditions.

Giles: What did you expect? I�d break you out and put you up in a nice flat in England?

Ethan: You made me miss the Council blowing up, you bloody bastard! (Ethan kicks Giles again) I had to break out on my own, after years of waiting for just the right moment, conjuring just the right energies�

Andrew: You think I could have a little backstory for the newbie here?

Ethan: Oh shut up you fool! If I have to listen to your stories about bunt cakes one more time�

Giles: You�ll what? What are you planning exactly, Ethan? I�m guessing revenge was a strong motivating factor.

Ethan: No, impersonating you was business. (Kicks Giles again) This is revenge. You know Ripper, I was planning some grand, elaborate death scene for you, worthy of the greats. But, time is short, and�
(takes out a gun) If that cell has taught me anything, it�s to cherish -every- moment.

(Suddenly the door busts open and the entire gang is there. Buffy, Dawn, Xander, Kennedy, Anya, and Willow all rush in)

Buffy: Ethan! Why am I surprised?

Ethan: Oh damnit! I still had a whole other speech left!

Xander: How was jail, Ethan? Hope you didn�t drop the soap in the shower�

Ethan: (points the gun at Buffy)

Buffy: A gun? Oh please, that�s not very creative.

Ethan: If anyone asks, I�ll lie. (Ethan tries to pull the trigger but Buffy runs toward him and bends Ethan�s wrist back. The gun drops to the floor and Buffy throws Ethan against the wall.

Anya: Giles! Poor, pathetic Giles! (runs to untie him)

Willow: Aww! Everyone hug Giles!

Giles: (is freed from his captivity and gets up) We�ll save it for later.

Andrew: Ummm�me?

Xander: (sighs) Alright�. (Xander goes and untines Andrew)

(Buffy holds Ethan against the wall)

Ethan: How did you find me, anyway? I thought I was rather inconspicuous.

Andrew: Ooh, me! Me! Remember when I went in the back room? I really called Willow and told her about your little screw up.

Willow: One tracking spell later and the rest is history.

Kennedy: And now look where you are. No where to go but back to jail.

Ethan: (puzzled) Who ARE you? Do you even know who I am?

Kennedy: Not exactly�I just heard jail�

Ethan: (to Andrew) And who the Hell are you? You people picked THESE bloody wanks to be your new friends?

Buffy: (still holding Ethan against the wall) He�s more of an associate. So come on, give us some answers. (Tightens her grip) What are you doing here, Ethan? Why now?

Giles: Allow me (Giles walks over and punches Ethan in the jaw, hard)

Ethan: (spits out blood). I must say, you still have it Rupert. Maybe I�ve misjudged you. On second thought, maybe not.

Giles: (Giles punches Ethan again) I believe Buffy asked you a question.

Ethan: Oh, trust me, you�ll get all the answers you want very soon. In fact, you�ll all be in for a shock of your life. (Ethan whispers an incantation and a huge gust of blinding smoke appears in the room. Everyone starts coughing, and when the smoke dissipates, Ethan has gone)

Kennedy: He�s gone!

Giles: Oh let him go. He was obviously just part of something much bigger.

(Ethan walks into a dark cave. He stands before a woman, shrouded in darkness)

Woman: You succeeded in acquiring the book I need�

Ethan: Yes (Ethan hands the woman the book he took from the Magic Box). I made that my first priority. I could have done a lot more damage if my identity wasn�t revealed.

Woman: No matter, it was only a matter of time before those humans discover a simple glamour spell. You have succeeded in your mission, you should be honored.

Ethan: (bows) Thank you. I knew coming back to America to seek out the new power would serve me well. You have no idea what it�s been like for me, having to live in shadows in England, on the run after my escape�

Woman: Silence. For your success in this mission, I will let you live.

Ethan: What? But we had a deal!

Woman: I will give you some advice, Ethan Rayne. Leave this town, leave this town and never come back. My use for you is over, and if I ever see you again, I will not hesitate to destroy you.

Ethan: But�

Woman: (very coldly) Go, go live in the shadows like the rat you are. Too evil to be considered good, too good to be truly evil. You belong nowhere. Now, leave me.

Ethan: (his face is extremely shocked and also hurt) Yes.

(Ethan walks out of the cave)

(Back at the Magic Shop, everyone is helping to put back all the books)

Buffy: (softly to Dawn) I�m sorry we had to cut our time short.

Dawn: It�s okay. I knew mom was with us today, both of us. That�s all that matters.

Giles: It should be a while before we discover the exact book Ethan stole, or if he took anything else while he was here. Anya, a full inventory will have to be done starting first thing next morning.

Anya: Yea! Inventory!

Kennedy: So Giles, what exactly happened last night?

Giles: I thought I had a lead on to what this new threat is. I have my suspicions, (Giles quickly glances at Willow)... but I wanted to be sure and get some more information before I made a clear decision. My source called me on the phone, but when I arrived at our meeting site, she was dead. Covered in some kind of sticky liquid�.

Buffy: That would be mucus.

Giles: Yes, well�the next thing I know, someone knocks me out from behind and I wake up roped to a sink in the bathroom of a motel room.

Willow: Oh Giles I�m so sorry we couldn�t see through a stupid glamour to know it wasn�t really you. We were under so much stress with the whole Big Bad and�

Xander: �we thought you were going through another mid-life crisis.

Giles: (laughs) I�ll let you know next time I go through another crisis. In fact, I think I feel a motorcycle would be appropriate. And more leather�

(Just then, the door opens and Faith and Spike walk in, chatting)

Bufffy: Wow, we thought you two left for good.

Faith: Hey B, sorry it took so long. We got a little sidetracked.

Spike: Did we miss anything?

(Cut to Ethan in the back of a taxi. The camera pans down and shows something in his hand. It�s a one-way ticket to England)

(Cut back to the cave, where a demon walks up to the mysterious woman. We see an image of the demon�s face. It�s hideous yet feminine at the same time. Slightly scaly with writhing, moving snakes for strands of hair. A light flashes and the face turns into a normal human face.

Follower: My lady, your appearance�

Woman: It�s necessary if I am to appear in the outside world. (The woman fingers the book Ethan gave her)

Follower: May I asked why you did not just kill Ethan Rayne?

Woman: Let the man enjoy his last few weeks on Earth�let him savor life and the time he is in, for it will not last. He did his job, and that is my reward to him. The assassin was a perfect decoy to distract the humans long enough for that rat to acquire this book for me. They played right into my hand.

Follower: You�ve done very excellently, my lady.

Woman: Have you followed the humans as I asked?

Follower: Yes, they have no idea of your identity.

Woman: What about the boy? And the witch?

Follower: The boy knows nothing. The witch also does not grasp the situation at hand. She has no idea it is you, the same demon whose temple she raised last spring when she tried to destroy the world. But she�ll know soon, they�ll all know....Proserpexa.

Grrrr�.Arrrgghh

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[> Hey imisstara I just wanted to say WONDERFUL episode!! Histerical and touching. -- Mark, 19:00:42 05/19/03 Mon

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[> SO love this episode!!! -- Wyvern, 22:42:19 05/19/03 Mon

I just can't get over how good the stuff we're coming up with is :)

We rock. Really. ME should just hire us *veg*

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