| Subject: Re: MUTUALITY |
Author:
Marc
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Date Posted: 13:21:56 07/11/02 Thu
In reply to:
Gill
's message, "MUTUALITY" on 12:26:37 07/11/02 Thu
This is a hot topic for me. I too have the disadvantage of being a great distance from others in the community. Unfortunately, these pragmatic concerns do play a part. Still, I've been surprised to be able to establish a few quality relationships via long-distance, phone and email. Given, this is less than ideal, but I'm finding that having a consistent support group of some kind ("officially" it's suggested that we have a teacher, a mentor, and two peers, one of each sex) is really key even at these distances. And of course the issue is not merely finding someone willing to talk, but to enter into this with people you can trust and rely on despite all the logistical difficulties. This takes some doing. I've been very lucky in hooking up with some very special people. I don't believe you can just pick someone off a list, merely because they're "in the community". Some of the recent Mutuality Digest exchanges prove that.
Mutuality with pre-second-birthers or non-WDer's is a tricky situation. I've found that you end up having to eat a lot more in the way of reactivity. Obviously you can't expect this kind of intentional mutuality with them, but holding those seemingly irreconcilable differences with others, in the community or not, is part of the holding of opposites. We learn more and more to hold opposing tensions within ourselves in our "down" work. I think mutuality is the same but includes those "outside" ourselves. It's quite a burn, but doable to some degree.
Again, from this great distance, these are less than ideal circumstances. But I refuse to believe that not living in California or Colorado means that this process in all its forms is not available to us. Mutuality with whom, as well as "mutuality how?" And I don't mean these rhetorically, but as actual questions of practice and growth.
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