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Date Posted: 19:13:56 08/03/03 Sun
Author: Bear Top seeks smooth bottom
Subject: Re: Oh damn!
In reply to: Bukakee Jones 's message, "Oh damn!" on 21:25:06 08/02/03 Sat

>Thats a good one.
>
>Are we talking about some sort of biking related
>contest or a caged death match, MadMax/Thunderdome
>style, complete with assorted weapons?
>
>Either way, I couldnt even begin to pick a winner.

What? Are you guys sniffing rubber cement again? Jerry wouldn't even bat an eye before blowing Crazy's brains all over his piece of shit minivan. I can just see the scenario:

Jerry: Uh, Dave, could you step over here a minute? I need to talk to you about some----TEAM BUSINESS.

Crazy: Duh, sure Jer! Can we talk in your van? It's hot out here, and man, I sure don't like the heat! Do you like heat, Jerry? Do ya, Huh, Jer???

(Crazy steps in the passenger side door, Jerry gets in the driver side. The stench of a 15 year old POS minivan punches Crazy in the face, but he manages to stay conscious, because he is DAMN glad to have someone to blabber to.)

Jerry: Crazy, you know we kinda run the Clubbers team now. I was thinking there wasn't much room for the both of us.

Crazy: Duh, what do ya mean, Jer? I really think this Clubber team is cool, ya know? I mean really----

Jerry: See, Crazy, that's just what I'm talking about. You talk an awful lot, and see, us serial killers just don't like to talk all that much.

Crazy: Duh, Duh, Jer, I really am having a tough time following you here, Jer. Wait, my lazy eye must me deceiving me, because that looks like a very big gun you have there, Jer, Duh.

Jerry: Dave, I don't get much respect around here, well, because I'm insane, but I guess that's sort of off the subject. Anyway, I think I'm going to solve a couple of problems by putting a bullet between your eyes.

Crazy: Duh, well, Duh, Jer, what problems would be solved by that, Jer? Huh, Jer??

Jerry: Well, if there is a bullet between your eyes, I can pretty much guarantee that no one will notice that fucking lazy eye anymore.

Crazy: Duh, that's true, Jer.

Jerry: And I can carve another notch in my rotting bedpost, you know, 'cause serial killers like to keep count.

Crazy: Duh, well, I guess that's true too, Jer.

Jerry: And I wont have to listen to your incessant babbling anymore.

Crazy: Duh, now wait a minute, Jer, I don't talk that much-----

(This goes on for a few hours, until Jerry's hand gets a little sweaty, and, having the safety disengaged, he accidently fires and Crazy's head flies out the passenger side window.)

Jerry: Man, I wish someone could have seen that! I shot his head clean off! Wow! And it flew 20 or 30 feet, right down the alley, behind my Bosnian neighbors house!

Jerry has to spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning the blood off of the armrests on the minivan, then disposing of the body---well, disposal isn't really hard, since Jerry just pushed it out the door and onto the curb.

"Death is a part of life down here in little Bosnia," Jerry thinks to himself as he cleans his military issue revolver. "I'm just glad I can now devote all of my time to making this Clubbers team as fucked up as possible."

God, could ya sell crazy somewhere else, Jer? It seems we're all filled up 'round here.

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