! ! ! -- Cycling with The Fonz

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Date Posted: 05:00:43 08/29/03 Fri
Author: Basssssssstinado
Subject: ! ! !

Today I learnt about what being attacked by a spitting cobra is like. First you wander off somewhere to go pee. While you're peeing you see a spitting cobra like right there. You like shut off your pee and freeze up. The cobra then like rears up and flares out its hood. And you go 'Oh shit...' but you can't move cause you're so freaked out because you're looking at a cobra. You start to try and trace back to what you know about snakes. Do you run? Do you lay down and play dead? What? Then you get mad at your bad memory and for not studying hard back in school or whatever. While you're trying to figure out what to do, the cobra spits venom right into your eyes. You go 'Arrgh!' And it like blinds you and it stings like hell. You put your hands to your eyes and run away screaming. But your pants are down around your knees and you do that sort of dorky shuffle run with your butt out. And then you trip and fall and hit your head on a rock. You're out.

When you wake up you're surrounded by dozens of hissing cobras. You find out that when cobras hiss on their own it's just a hiss- but when a group of cobras hiss together their united hiss actually forms words in english. They all hiss in unison and ask you, 'What'sss your sssssign?' You can't believe they can speak english. You can't even answer. They all ask again louder, 'What ssssssign are you? Are you Ssssssagittariussssss ?' You say, 'No. I'm a (insert your astrological sign here)'. All the cobras cringe angrily and hiss loudly. They seem like they're gonna attack. You realize you gave the wrong answer. You say, 'Wait! Wait! Umm... I'm a Sagittarius! Heh! I don't know what I was thinking about before! Duh! Of course I'm a Sagittarius!' You laugh nervously. The cobras then hiss... 'Oh yeah? Ssssooo when issss your birthday?' You sort of knew that was going to be the next question but hoped it wasn't because you don't know your signs that well. You say, 'Umm... September something! Umm.. the 12th! September 12th!' The cobras consult with each other in a circle and mumble hiss to themselves for a minute or so. You can't understand what they're saying. Finally they turn around to you really mad and say, 'Sssssagittariussss issssn't in Sssseptember!' Then they all spit on you and start biting at you. You're done.

(Of course if you are a Sagittarius this doesn't really apply as you would have answered correctly and the cobras and you would have a big party where you'd all dance snakey and the snakes will really dig the fact that you can clap to the music. As all snakes wish they could clap.)

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Replies:

Re: ! ! ! -- Skirt Chaser, 06:45:36 08/29/03 Fri
- Bored? -- Pig Fucker, 23:52:57 09/01/03 Mon