Re: Lewes Match Report -- Croydon Athletic independent supporters forum

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Date Posted: 03:58:12 10/04/03 Sat
Author: italkballs
Subject: Re: Lewes Match Report
In reply to: THe OLd Man 's message, "Re: Lewes Match Report" on 20:57:57 10/03/03 Fri

And ere it is. Bird's prog notes diminish by the day. ny1 remember he used to fill page after page with sanctamonious twaddle. Bit briefer now thank god. Mind you I was payin 6 squid just to read them. Now I read them on da net.

As they say on the oFFICIAL site (my backside!!!) Match report to follow or maybe not. Depends on weatha we win!!!!

CROYDON ATHLETIC 1 V 2 LEWES

Ryman League Division 1 South - 30th September

MR DEAD AND RODNEY STEAL THE SHOW

By Stentor

Oh dear. Another tight game against a top team lost by the odd goal. Still, a cracking game in front of a fair few people (Paul, don't tell them that was our best gate, we'll get the Crawley taking the p*ss again). Also, the first floodlit game with the new stand. Which reminds me. I kept thinking "should the lights be on in the stand during the match?" I mean, it's great to have lights in the stand but shouldn't you turn them off during the game and then turn them on all dramatic like at half time and full time? Answers from the Chairman.

Anyway, the Lewes lads arrived full of repentance and remorse. Why? Cos some of them had (allegedly, got to say that ) been naughty in a hotel on Friday night. Now in case anyone gets the wrong idea, it was a hotel in .... LOWESTOFT. Well, it would be wouldn't it? Everyone knows about Lowestoft don't they? West End eat your heart out. Anyway, whatever they did or didn't do, they lost their first game on Saturday and came to us looking for something to prove. And they even knew what that something was. They wanted to prove they could still play football by beating us! Got it? Good.

Seriously folks, it was a good game and Lewes did succeed in proving their point. They are an excellent team and deserved to win a close, hard fought game which was a credit to the League. Nauseating stuff eh? Yeah but I've got to write a bit about football or my lucrative contract will be up in smoke. So let's have a bit more. Danny Davis won some lucky person �35 by scoring on 35 minutes. He sorta squeezed it in ever so slowly. It's what Hayden calls sexy football. You get a feeling right away about those sort of goals. Not will it won't it? You just know it's going to scrape the post and creep in. It did.

Half time. Actually, we probably didn't deserve to be one down, but (watered down cliche coming) it's guess what that count. But then soon after the break, Evvo (those bloody double v's keep looking like a w) scored a beaut. Not often I praise you mate but that was a bit good. We looked as though we could win at this point but then it all went wrong so wrong. They went and took control with just over 20 minutes to go. Suddenly a cross came across (as crosses do) and after some comedy in the form of a missed open goal, Rodney Trotter put the ball in the net. Well actually it was Luke Fontana, but if he does bear a passing resemblance to that well known plonker, he certainly doesn't play like one. Oh my goodness no indeed not.

And that was it really. Rob ran up the field with a minute to go to try and score a Jimmy Glass type goal from a corner and got stranded, at which point the Lewes keeper tried to do something really ungentlemanly. He tried to score into our empty net from his own goal area! Cheeky sod. And you know what else? He's bloody French. Well let me tell you Monsewer Dominique Jean-Zepherin (Jeez, I thought Nko Nkoku was bad enough ), we, in this great country of ours, don't appreciate you Frogs coming over here and bringing your garlic smelling tactics with you. Next time, do the decent British thing and give the keeper a chance to get back in his goal and scratch his arse by which time he will be more than ready to deal with your underhand euro skulduggery. Tu comprends? Bon.

But hey (and, to be honest, this is the bit I've been deliberately saving till the end), what about Stig of the Dump or Wurzle Wotsit in the cemetery behind the goal? Or was it Mr. Dead out of Harry Enfield?? Bloody hell, what a performance. Seriously, there was this weird, wild looking geezer who looked as though he'd just given his tombstone the old heave ho for a breath of fresh air. As you do. Anyway, just as I was listening to the row from the Lewes behind the goal mob, this bloke starts shouting out "Croyyyy donnnnn". So one of the Lewes blokes replies with "Loooooooo izzzzzz". It was like a meeting of great minds. Like Einstein meeting Shakespeare if you like. But then Mr. Dead seems to get a bit confused. Well, so would you if you were dead lets face it. He starts shouting "Who are we, who are we?" I felt like saying "Well I don't f*ckin' know if you don't". And all the time the game's going on, but to tell the truth, I was only half watching.

My God, you not only see life at Mayfields, you even get the living dead as well and all for six quid.

When's the next game?

PAP PAP PAP PAP
PAP PAP PAP PAP

wer you dere?????????????????????????????????????????????

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