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Date Posted: 14:16:00 04/18/03 Fri
Author: fiwee
Subject: Well, the school letter wasn't in today's mail, and my grandma just filled me in on why my mom's been mad at me (m)

It's so crazy, I'm almost reluctant to post it. I've been getting really bad vibes from my mom since around the time that Donnie left. She hasn't offered any help, and hardly called since he deployed. The weekend they were up for Elias' birthday, she was acting funny. My mom is the queen of passive aggression.

Anyway, my grandma called this morning because she was frustrated with my mom, and filled me in on all the lovely things mom's been saying behind my back. It turns out that she's angry because we got a new minivan! Our other car is one that we bought from her and my dad a few years ago. It's been nothing but a source of strife between us. They could've totally afforded to just give it to us, but they aren't that generous. They even held onto the title until it's fully repaid. We've been paying them back, but at a smaller monthly amount than we originally discussed. However before we lowered the payment, we asked if it was ok, and they said fine. So we've never increased it again, because we knew that we'd be needing a newer second car soon and need to be able to make both payments; and my parents are not in any way hurting for cash.

So mom is mad that we got something new (new to us, it's a 2000) before we totally paid her back. Nevermind that we were in serious need of it and had been using one car since Donnie's junker VW totally died in December. She is showing her anger by doing totally childish things, like for Eli's birthday, giving him some diapers and some stuffed animals she got at the thrift store...that was his present! While she is standing there showing off a $100 jacket she bought on their recent 3 week vacation to California. My grandma said that mom was fuming that we are spending money to go see Donnie while he's away. Grandma mentioned in passing to my mom that she was going to give us some money to help pay for our next trip (not that we really need it, but she was an Army wife and wants to help). Mom tried to talk her out of it!!! Saying that it's rediculous for us to waste all that money on travel and that grandma shouldn't contribute to it.

I am THIS close to calling mom on all of this and telling her that how we spend our money is none of her business, and that if that stupid car means more to them than me or their grandkids, they are welcome to come get it at any time. I always swore I'd never jeopardize my children's relationship with their grandparents, but withholding support for me, DH and the boys while we go through this difficult time, over money, is inexcusable. I look at my boys and cannot imagine sitting in judgement of them or begrudging them anything if it was within my power to give it to them.

Ugh, that got much longer than I intended. Sorry. Anyone else have a nosy control freak for a mother???

Kari

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