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Date Posted: 13:02:00 04/15/03 Tue
Author: chattyf
Subject: Hmmm more thoughts.....(m)
In reply to: Melissa 's message, "I understand what you are saying, and we do that as well. . .(m)" on 11:52:52 04/15/03 Tue

It sounds like the crying isn't the problem but that it's getting on your nerves? Is there a way you can try to tune it out and ignore it? Can you just let him cry and get over it on his own? Maybe he is crying to get your attention. Do you not like this trait in yourself? Sometimes when one of our kids has one of our traits that we don't like it really annoys us.

Also, it sounds like his crying is the overwhelmed type of crying. Does he get enough sleep? Maybe he needs more. I'm just working through some possible problems here so if you are sure this doesn't apply ignore it.

I'd teach him about other people's feelings and taking turns and working out problems. Work on the one about problem solving. If he feels he is part of the solution maybe he won't feel so overwhelmed and cry. For example, have him and you act out some of the problems he has had in the past with crying. Take playing with other kids. You be the other child who wants to do something different. Have your son and you figure out possible solutions when two people don't want to play the same game. Write them down on a piece of paper. After you have written all the possible solutions down, and don't pass any judgments on any he says just write them down, work through them together to take out any that won't work and make both people happy. Usually you will end up with one or more possible solutions.

Keep doing this with him for a few different problems you have seen him encounter and cry over. Then the next time he is playing with other kids tell him you expect him to work out problems himself. The only time you will help is when it's a safety problem.

This has worked so well for my kids when they play together I can't believe it. It takes awhile for them to understand and it doesn't work every time but it works most of the time to stop fighting over toys and other things. I've taught them how to work out their own problems and I don't get involved now. I tell them I know they can work it out and then I stay out of it.

You may have to talk to the other kids who come to play and help them to learn to work out problems but alot of kids already know how to do this pretty well themselves.

I know you probably do alot of the stuff I've already mentioned but it helps to work through problems in a systematic way. Sometimes a simple thing can be the solution and one you had never really thought about.

The teasing is another problem. I don't think there is a child who hasn't been teased. Your son is very sensitive though and this makes it worse for him. There is also two sides to every story and I've found that sometimes kids don't tell the whole truth or change things to suit thier own purposes. This is a common thing with kids. So trying to get to the truth may not be possible unless you can be there to observe. What you can do is try to teach him about being assertive. Our schools have a whole program about bullying and being assertive. They also teach when is the right time to tell and when it's tattling. And they teach kids to help out other kids who are having a hard time. These are all things you can work on at home too.

Too bad this parenting job didn't come with instruction hey? LOL! It's always such a confusing difficult job and there is no right or wrong way to go about things (well a few wrong ways).


I hope you can find a solution that works for you and your son. He sounds like such a wonderful, smart, sensitive boy.

Diane

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