counting the blessing -- ��I

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Date Posted: 00:27:36 01/28/10 Thu
Author: EC
Subject: counting the blessing

The winter qtr has always been the hardest qtr for the last 2 yrs. My reasoning is:
1) This is the qtr right after a long break. Indeed, I will say, winter break is the only time of the year that I can fully enjoy my free time as I have to take intensive classes during summer.
2) After the winter qtr, there is nth to look forward but the spring Qtr.
With this combination, my mood in the Winter was the worst throughout the year.
This winter quarter is an exceptional one. First, I made a very wise choice of dropping a theology class when I was in Beijing. When I read the syllabus on the plane, flying from Chendu to Beijing, I felt overwhelmed and, therefore, dropped the class. Once again, my body/feeling informs what decision I should make.
Second, I enjoy my classes. It's been a while I actually can say that I enjoy my classes. Believe it or not, I can do good in ENGLISH philosophy class. In college, the worst grade happened in my 2 philosophy classes. I then think that learning and articulating philosophy in another language is a bad idea. And now, this is totally a conversion experience. Either I write better English or my philosophy prof. during college did injustice to me or the TA just gives good grade to all in class. Anyhow, I do good with my weekly paper.
Third, my abstract submitted to APA got accepted. This is really an exciting news for me, especially with my previous experience of rejection from INS (another conference). It gives me affirmation that my research is still in the right direction.
Forth, God continues to show me His provision through supports from other people. I gradually understand the meaning of "undeserved". It's a true feeling of receiving a gift. The feeling is like that you receive a BIG gift from someone whom you doesn't really have a very intimate relationship to start with. Basically, the value of the gift doesn't match with the degree of relationship. Yet, when I receive the gift, I suddenly realize how much people have been loving and supporting me. It means a lot to me.
Fifth, time with K has been great. In fact, we don't have a lot time spending together as I am getting busier and busier and cannot fly up to Bay area as often as I was. However, I feel that sth in our relationship has been changing. I have been more able to articulate how I think and how i feel directly. He seems like even more able to read my mind. Last qtr has been rough on my emotionally. Well, time at Fuller has been difficult, compared to my adventurous period. Now, I finally feel like I am back to my equilibrium and the "happy" Esther re-emerges. Walking through the difficult with K adds sth difference to our relationship. I am not sure how to articulate what is the "sth" but I can feel the difference. The relationship is more grounded and deep together with a sense of confidence that we can face the uncertainty.

PTL

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